Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Formspring time!

I've mentioned before that I have a handy little box on the sidebar where you can submit questions to me through formspring. It didn't tell me I had any until the oldest had been sitting in my inbox for over a month. Sorry about that to anyone who asked a question. Since I don't post them to my twitter or blog, I figured, I'd repost them here, (with a few updates or changes as needed)

1. Which form of bondage turns you on the most?

Probably rope bondage, because you can do so much with it. it can be pretty, it can be painful, it can be tight and binding. And depending on the person, the type of rope, the setting, the experience is totally different every time.

2. How do you handle being in a relationship with someone who is polyamorous and has a primary partner?

It really depends on what you're looking for in the relationship and what the poly person is looking for. If they are looking for an equally balanced triad, it could be more fulfilling then any coupling. Regardless, it requires a lot of communication and understanding on your part that yes, you are required to share, yes, they were there first, and unless it's distinctly decided, you'll have to understand the primary partner's needs are a priority. So it takes a lot of work, a lot of talking, and I truly believe a specific personality, I don't think everyone is capable.

3. How many guys and girls have you slept with?

This question prompted me to actually make a running tally, since I don't want to forget anyone. The final number was 17, 7 girls, 10 guys. (Sadly, 5 of those people have been since 2010 started, my number of sex partners has gone up exponentially each year) [Just letting you know, after being really proud of myself for writing them all down, I totally forgot 2 people, so the count is 19, 7 girls 12 guys]

4. When was your last orgasm? what caused it?

It was less then 12 hours ago, cause by masturbation with my favorite glass toy. The answer to this question is very rarely more then 24 hours. I masturbate almost everyday unless I'm really sick. (It's 3 weeks later, and the answer is almost exactly the same)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The List

I lost my virginity on Valentine's Day.... yes, I know, seriously, there was music, there were candles, I made a special dinner, it was something out of a movie, and considering I am not one to appreciate romance (when it's directed at me, I'm one romantic bitch as long as it is me doing it for other people), that's just a little ridiculous. In honor of such an occasion, I've decided to post my list.... yep that list, all the sexual partners I've had. To make the cut, one or both of us had to cum, (or, for one sad boy, there had to be a valiant effort to that end).

Here they are, in chronological order (or at least, as near to order as I can remember).

P- Dated for almost three years (July 04-March 07) What is there to say about P? I very desperately wanted to be straight, and he very determinedly hit on me all summer as my boss at a block buster. I was 20 when we met, he was 32. I subbed for him until the incident. I owe a whole lot of my sexual knowledge and confidence to P.

K- Dated for about 9 months (July 06- March 07) I fell in love with K the moment I met her. She was 'the love of my life, and completely batshit crazy. She had spent a year in a mental institution before I met her. She would call me at 6 am having panic attacks outside her job. She pulled out all her eyelashes. She broke my heart. She's still the only one to ever make me cum from just clit play.

D- 3 weeks of dinners and 2 nights of making out/sex (November 07) I was a mess when D met me. I had moved to the city, didn't know anyone, didn't have a job, and was depressed. We had sex once after talking about it constantly. It was good, but I never heard from her again.

KN- Dated for 3 months (May 07-July 07) KN was trans, and honestly, I hooked up with her the first time because I thought it would be interesting. It was, but that was the most interesting thing about her. She had the personality of a rice cake. She had her SRS while we were dating, so I got to experience sex with her both pre and post op.

B- Dated 6 in open relationship months (August 08- March 09) B was also trans, again, I was very comfortable with her, but after the fact I wasn't in love with her. We were just supposed to have sex, but ended up dating, and planning a future together. She had amazingly long fingers and is still some of the best sex I've ever had.

KE- 1 night (sometime around Dec 08) I had known KN for as long as B, but she went up to school 2 hours away before we could get together. We met up while she was home for Christmas. She had huge boobs she wouldn't let me touch, and I kept my pants on the whole time

N- 1 night (Jan 09) I was missing penis, met him online. He was terrified, he came, proclaimed it the best blowjob he's ever had (he was 21, so I wasn't that impressed with the compliment), then was too nervous to have sex.

M- Fuck buddies for three months (March 09-June 09) We were both bitter and jaded. We both wanted sex. He helped me through my break up and we met to hook up one a week for the next few months. We continued to meet for dinner when both of us got s/o's and are still friends.

J- 1 night, (March09)- He was about my height (5'2) with what must have been a 9 or 10 inch cock. He couldn't keep it up in the condom, I refused to do it without one. He went down on me... for like an hour... until I just faked it (since he wasn't listening to my directions anyway). Only person who tried who never made me cum.

A- Dated 3 months (April 09- Jun 09) Was supposed to be a fuck buddy, I fell hard for him. Might still be a little in love with him. He was a sub and I had the best BDSM sex with him.

MI- 3 nights (Sept 09) Sub who wanted to pay to play with my feet. I let him do it for free, don't know if that's better or worse. Blew him a few times. He tried to pin me in bed despite my protests, I never let him back in my bed.

JP - Fuck Buddy (Sept 09-?) I met JP right before A and I broke up, and we didn't do anything for months. We would get together every couple of weeks, since neither of us got to have sex with women often. She just moved an hour away, so who knows if/when we can get together again.

D - 1 night (November 09) D is of the older couple fame. Hot, off the boat Italian, easily twice my age. Finger fucked me within an inch of my life then sent me home.

KK- 1 night (Dec 09) Met online, agreed to casual sex. I had my period, blew him, got an email a week or two later. He wanted more then casual sex, just not with me. Ouch

AK&R 1 night (New Years Eve/Day 09/10) Met the couple through Fetlife. Looking for a switch. Played all night and again in the morning.

G- Hooking up (Jan 10-?) He found me through my blog. Wants to do porn with me. Has a large penis I actually wish was smaller. Treats me better then anyone I've actually dated. Into rope bondage and BDSM.

PL - Fuck Buddy (Jan 10-?) Met on Twitter. Flew up from Florida to meet me. Went with me when my car got impounded. Best so far in getting me off whenever I want it, even if he's not up for it.

DFB - Fuck buddy (Feb 10-?) B actually sent him my way, realizing he was too kinky for her. Has almost the perfect penis. Lives nearby and is a perfect booty call (comes, cums, recovers, dresses and leaves, no fuss, no muss).

That's it. My list. I'll note that I started having a lot more fuck buddies after KN, because that when P and I actually stopped having sex once and for all. Looking at the list, I have mixed feeling about it. Some people I miss purely for the sex, so I miss for the friendship, and some I can't believe happened in the first place. But that's all for me kiddies on this Valentine's day, and wishing you all the love in the world, for yourself, since no one else really matters. With that I'll sign out saying, this is cleofaye, and if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My Love Affair with Porn (addendum)

I jut wanted to make a note about what I've been saying in my love affair with porn entries. I've gotten comments talking about the unrealistic bodies and expectations mainstream porn has. I know all that. I'm a big girl, when I started having sex, I was wearing a size 22. No one looked like me. It didn't matter if they were fucking on screen or falling in love in some hollywood romantic comedy. I learned long ago to forget that my body was never represented and to enjoy whatever was on screen in spite of it. Even now, at a size 16, I don't see anyone on screen, in general or in porn, that looks like me.

I'm hot, but the fact is, if anyone is taking me to bed and expecting to see an airbrushed porn star body underneath has a serious detachment with reality. I used to be ashamed of my body, or at the very least self conscious about it. However, when I started having sex, I realized how incredibly amazing my body is. There is nothing like an orgasm, and I came to understand very early if I was freaking out about what I looked like, they were elusive. I don't know when exactly the change happened, but it was pretty early. When I realized I was good in bed, I stopped insisting on dim lighting or in positions I thought I looked better in. I'm now more comfortable with a new sex partner naked then I am going out on a date.

I would be lying if I said I'd never had partners who made me feel shitty about myself, but I haven't allowed one in my bed in years. I don't have a hard time finding people who want to have sex with me, and I don't need someone who doesn't appreciate my body.

So yes, although this rant went a little off topic, I wanted to say I know that mainstream porn is full of a bunch of size 2 women with perfect bodies and plastic surgery, but you know what? so is every fashion magazine and mainstream movie (oh excuse me, I could always get work as the plucky fat side kick who always talks about food) so before we talk about body image and porn, put down the Cosmo and stop talking about how people like Kira Knightly have the best bodies, then maybe we can have a constructive conversation. For now, I'm going to say that at least porn stars are open about their plastic surgery, and admit their bodies are unnatural, instead of every other actress out there saying she's just blessed with good genes. So if you're willing to watch regular movies and browse magazines that lack images of women that represent your experience, I don't see the difference of watching porn with the same thing.

That was a bit of a rant, but if you can't rant on your own blog, where can you? I'll sign off as always, saying, if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Techincal Difficulties

Just letting anyone who sent me a formspring question that I didn't get the notification that I had any waiting until about 10 minutes ago, so I will be answering all of the questions and posting themas a blog entry in the next few days, I just wanted to tell everyone I wasn't ignoring them and I'll be sure to check it more often instead of actually relying on them to email me.

For now (since I'm just finishing up part 2 of my love affair with porn post and it should be up by the end of the night) I'll leave you saying If you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Friday, February 5, 2010

My Love Affair with Porn Part 2

Growing up, my friends and I never talked about sex much. The closest we ever ame was a sleepover when I was 16 or so where a few of the girls admitted to masturbating, and where I revealed my adventures in babysitting with the spice channel. When I got to college, my friends were just as inexperienced and quiet about it as I was aside from occasional jokes. When I started being sexual with my first boyfriend, I felt really lost and confused and didn't have anyone to talk to.

Being the geek that I am, I decided to research. I started watching all the porn I could find, figuring that if anyone had sex well, it would be porn stars. I never got "the talk" growing up. I didn't have sexually open friends until after I was having having sex regularly, and I was scared to reveal the extent of my inexperience and ask my much older boyfriend to explain things to me, so almost everything I knew about the actual physical mechanics of sex I learned from porn.

I know there are feminists everywhere tearing thier hair out at that statement, and yes, I will totally own the fact that the porn I watched was the big hair, big tits, airbrushed to hell studio films women like to bash most. I loved them then, and they hold a special place in my heart now. I found them to be very educational. It hasn't always been meant as a compliment, but I've been told more then once that I "fuck like a porn star." So, here is the rundown of what I learned from porn.

- Blowjobs can/should be both pleasurable and messy
Those girls in the movies attack a dick like it's their first meal in a week. They moan around them as they work. They really look like their enjoying themselves. I realized that while my friends had been discussing how gross it would be to perform oral sex, apparently it could be fun. The girls would also lick, slurp and spit, making everything slick and slippery without shame, without apologizing, and without stopping to grab a towel.

- Play with your own clit
Girls in porn do this all the time. During penetration, they reach down, play with their clits and get themselves off. I never knew this wasn't something that everyone did. I did it the first time I had sex, and pretty much every time after. It puts me in control of my pleasure, which is always a good thing.

- Being....*ahem*... vocally appreciative is sexy
Porn is loud. Loud is hot. Would you want to watch two people fuck in silence? Neither would I, but for some reason, people get shy when it comes to thier own bedroom. Yes there are things like parents or roommates or neighbors to consider, but you can always smother yours cries with a pillow. I'm not saying you should put on a show if you're not feeling it, but don't stifle yourself for fear of sounding stupid. Making someone cum so hard they make a ridiculous/funny noise is an accomplishment. I've said it before, but it bears repeating. If you can't laugh at/during sex, you don't deserve to be having it.

- Butt sex is fun/normal/sexy
I know there are tons of problems with the word normal, but in terms of what my 19 year old self gleened from porn, normal was exactly what I was looking for. I wanted to know what people did. I found, in these movies, people had anal sex. Most people had butt sex, and from what it looked like on screen, it didn't hurt, it wasn't scary, and the girls looked like they were enjoying it. I realize now it's very possible they weren't enjoying it at all, but seeing it on screen gave me the courage to try it, since by that point, I'd gotten more sex positive friends, but none of them had ever done it. If you read this blog regularly, you already know I love butt sex. I have porn to thank for that.

- Facials are acceptable
I know that a lot of women find them demeaning. I never have. I've cum on men's faces, I don't see the big deal in letting them cum on mine. Again, this was something my friends were ignorant of or actively opposed to, but something I wanted to try after seeing it so often. I'm not a huge fan, I prefer to swallow, mainly because it requires less clean up and I'm lazy. But I get off on getting others off, so I'm glad I can fulfill the fantasy that most guys I've been with haven't had the chance to.

So yes, porn can be ridiculous, and porn can be unrealistic, but it taught me everything I know, and I'm proud to fuck like a porn star. On that note kiddies, I'll be signing off saying, if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Monday, February 1, 2010

E lust #6



DSC00216-1

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too




Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!





~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~




Exposing My Self to Airport Security - I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search. I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.




Prefect’s Prerogative - When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.




Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina - Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.





~ e[lust] Editress ~




The Perfect Fat Why do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.




~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~




Zipless - “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.








See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.

Also in recent sex news
, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!





All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!




Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor




Arousal is not consent

Psychosexual: Does the G spot exist? Do I care?

Reputable Help for Haiti


Squicked

That’ll be 151 Nickels

The Case of the Mysteriously Vanishing G-spot

Transtastic: Joking About Being Trans

Vegas – Day One – Diva’s Quick Recap


Vegas – Day One – Tess’s Thoughts

Why Don’t They Just LEAVE?




Kink & Fetish





Anatomy of a Mindfuck

Bad Submissive

Claiming: Go Pantiless After

Dating Refresher

Electric fuck

Fetishes and me


Kinky With Class

Laziness never pays off

Piercing reversal

Resolution

Titty Fuck

The Coffee Date, Part 2


The Job Interview

Without Reason




Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships




BDSM Relationship Advice for Newbies

Greedy For The Verse


Hang Ups and Hand Jobs

Ivy Madden

If she had just been a better wife…

Insomnia

Swinging

The Sexiness Beneath


Weightlessness




Erotic Writing




42DD

A Different Kind of Fuck

Across the Room

All in a Play Party’s Night


Amazing Night

Bedtime Story

Behind You

Breathe and Let Go

Done by a Clown

Evening Home


Glow

Lick You As Long As You Like

Moments of Clarity

Naughty Neighbor

Saturday Night’s Alright (For Swapping)

Sex and Video Games


Slip sliding away

The Slut Chronicles #11 ~ The Dinner Party

Thursdays

Tyler

Visitors in my Bedroom

Wicked Wednesday: Altitude


When you Talk About Maelee