Thursday, July 8, 2010

Review: Melon Crank

I signed up as a sex toy reviewer for and I was really excited when I got the first list of sex toys for possible review. I was like a little kid in a candy store.... there were so many things to chose from. I the first thing I picked was this Clear Nubby Melon Crank by Don Wand. Ever since seeing a crank glass dildo on Real Sex 27 (which unfortunately I can't find a decent link to, but you can occasionally still find the show on HBO on demand, and by the by, I actually recommend you watch it. If you can get past the very nineties hair and clothes you'll see that show was amazing. It was my first exposure to most the kink/sex positive community)I have always wanted one, so when I saw one up for review, I jumped at the chance.

I used this toy in every different way I could think of, I put it in my butt, I put it in my vag, I put it in the DFB's butt, and I had him put it in my vag. Separate occasions, because we know putting something in our vagina after it was in someone's (even our own) butt is asking for a problems right? right, moving on... I have to say, while I like everything about this toy in theory, it just wasn't exactly for me. First, a fun down of all the things that are fab about this toy.

1. It's glass. I've waxed poetic about how much I love glass before so I won't go into too much detail but, it's easy to clean, easy to sanitize (boil for 3 minutes, 10% bleach solution or top rack of the dishwasher(no soap)), and requires very little lube. It's my go to material for toys, but as always, that's a personal preference. Also my main compliant with using glass toys with partners(it's rigidity) is made moot by the lack of thrusting with this toy.

2. It's got loads of texture. The head is ribbed, the shaft and base have nubbs that are big enough that you can feel them, but not so big as to be irritating. Since it is spun instead of thrusted, this texture leads to some interesting sensations... which leads me to my next pro...

3. It HAS A CRANK PEOPLE! This was the whole reason I bought this toy, the crank. I loved the idea of having a toy spun inside me with texture to make me cum. It didn't disappoint. When it was in either my pussy (where the DFB could spin it really fast) or in my ass (where the spinning was slow and the sensation more intense) I really enjoyed the feeling. I'm finding it hard to articulate exactly, but I usually enjoy the thrusting motion when I use a dildo, but with this, I didn't thrust at all, just spun and the sensation felt more widespread and pleasant as opposed to the localized and intense sensation of hitting the g spot. With just the spinning and playing with my clit, I was able to cum, which almost always requires thrusting for me. It was definitely different and made the sensations interesting and fun. Who doesn't like feeling something new?

4. It's cheap. (in price, not in quality)It's true, I didn't pay for this toy, but I'm kind of a miser, so I'm always looking out for my readers in that regard. Who has 70 bucks to plunk down for a toy? This one is 18 bucks at You have to love affordablity.

Now I don't want to call the rest cons, because I don't think they're cons, they're issues I had with the toy, but that were specific to me.

1. It's big. I'm not a size queen. My go to toy for getting myself off it less then an inch in diameter at it's widest point. I know that this toy is only listed as a "small to medium" anal toy, but for me it, at 1 and a half inches in diameter, it was the largest toy I've ever had. It took a lot of warm up and work to get the toy in my butt, and honestly, I'm not patient. I like something I can put in after just a minute or two of lubing up and being fingered. That said, once it was in, it was a good full feeling and didn't feel TOO big. The DFB took it much easier then me, and really enjoyed the size, so again, that's just something I'm still working on.

2. I couldn't use it sitting. I masturbate sitting up, usually watching porn on my computer. Because of the size, I couldn't put this toy in vaginally and sit upand because of the crank I couldn't just use it as a butt plug while sitting either.This is really only a problem because I'm a creature of habit and kind of a brat about changing my routine(also, my bed is across my room, so I have to turn the porn volume up, and I don't like to disturb my roommate)I also had a slight problem with the angel laying down vaginally, but a pillow under my ass fixed it without much fuss. So again, a lot of people masturbate laying down or with their ass in the air, or honestly, in any position imaginable, but I wasn't able to masturbate with it.

3. It's harder to do solo. The spinning action was way harder to do on myself then on someone else. So my spinning was a bit haulty and slower, but still got the job done. Damn my short stubby arms.

4. Hair. I'm not that hairy of a girl, I generally keep my pubic hair trimmed or shaved, the same with any hair around my ass, so for me, the toy spin freely without any kind of a problem. However, the DFB has a little bit of a hairy ass, and when we tried to spin it, even with a lot of lube, hair would get caught or pull, so it wasn't comfortable for him. Something to keep in mind.

Finally, I should let you know that I dropped the toy in my bathtub (which is an old school solid one, not one of the plastic kind they have now) and broke the handle and base off, so while this thing can handle being dropped in my wooden floor (what can I say, I drop things a lot), be careful around tile or other hard surfaces.

All in all, I liked this toy, but, I have to use it with a partner, which is a little bit of a negative for me. I would recommend if for seasoned butt play enthusiasts, those who aren't particularly hairy or are groomed short, and for someone who wants to try a different sensation.

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