Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Revealing Yourself

I've been planning a blog post about "coming out" to dates for a while now, but then something amazing happened. I actually got asked out on a date. This doesn't happen to me very often. I'm pretty shy in person and am generally oblivious that people are hitting on me until way too late. I have mild social anxiety, so I have a hard time introducing myself to people or initiating conversation with someone I don't know, which is exactly why I started using online dating. It allows me to essentially "introduce" myself to hundreds of people without actually having to make that move in a bar/club what have you.

One of the main reasons I like online dating is that I can put all of my potential "problems" out there right up front, so I don't have to worry about people not finding me attractive, or not liking me being kinky or poly. I've had people dump me for such things, and flip out at me for not telling them earlier.

So anyway, I was asked out by a girl who has no idea of my "reputation." She doesn't know about this blog, she doesn't know I'm poly, and she has no idea that in my spare time I enjoy tying up and beating the crap out of people. Now that I think about it, it's pretty probable she thinks I haven't slept with a man in years.

So when do you talk about these things? How do I tell her. Do you wait until you know if you like them and risk losing them over it? Do you tell them right off the bat? I had plans of writing answers to these questions, but honestly, I'm not really sure. I haven't dated someone who I met organically and I didn't talk to extensively online first since before I was all those things. So what do you do? Who knows, but as long as your honest (if someone asks you, don't lie. EVER) and respectful, no one can blame you for being who you are. In the end, if you lose someone for anything you have to "come out" about, they probably weren't right for you in the first place.

1 comment:

  1. Good advice. Like you, I find that revealing certain aspects of who I am (well, who I WAS anyway) generates a lot of anxiety when I meet new people. Never sure just when is the right time. But like you, I won't lie about it. I've lost out on some promising dates because of it...but you're right, if they can't accept it, then we weren't right anyway.