Wednesday, July 14, 2010

In praise of the average penis

So in the course of my sexual escapades, I can't tell how many times some guy, in an attempt to get me to sleep with him, or sleep with him sooner has told me that he has a huge penis like this is supposed to be some magic phrase that makes me drop my pants and bend at the waist instantly. It's something that has always irritated me, because frankly, you're more likely to incite me with telling me how distinctly average you are.

I've played with a decent number of penises in my life, from a little below average to well above, the fact is, they're pretty much interchangeable. I'm easy to get off, I want penetration, but I don't need to feel full. Most guys can get the job done, I don't see what the big deal is.

I've had a few run ins with boys who had notably large penises and it has never actually been that pleasant of an experience. First was with J. I went on one date with him, and ended up back in my room with him. He was about my height (I'd give him 5'4 at most) and when he took off his pants, his cock I swear was almost down to his knees. He couldn't keep it hard in a condom, I had just gotten on when it started to go soft. Of course the second the condom was off he was rock hard again and trying to convince me to do it anyway. I refused, so in total got about 1 minute total penetration.

The second guy whose penis stopped me in my tracks was G. For those of you that follow my twitter feed, G was the rope bondage/porn/nyc/spanish hottie I hooked up with for a while who I met through the blog. He made no claims about penis size, but sent me a naked picture of himself before we met. I called my roommate into the room and demanded confirmation of what I was pretty sure was the biggest dick I'd ever seen outside of porn, he confirmed it and frankly I was a little scared.

I've never really considered myself a size queen, but I was kind of excited to have sex with him, since there is an entire urban mythology surrounding huge penises. However, when we finally started having sex, his penis size was always a problem, not a blessing. I couldn't ride him, I couldn't deep throat him,trojan non latex condoms didn't fit him, and unless he held back an inch or two, every time he would thrust, I would get stabbed in the cervix or spleen. The worst part was I really liked him, but having sex with him always had to be tentative and careful. We couldn't just let go and be rough, which meant sex with him, regardless of how much I liked him, was always lacking.

So seriously guys, stop it. Stop the bragging, stop the insecurity, stop making a huge penis the holy grail of manliness, because honestly, I'll take average any day.

So that's it for today kiddies, as always, this is cleofaye saying if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

1 comment:

  1. Amen! I get it all the time, and it bugs me. I've had these "impressive" men get upset when they can't fit or when they hurt. I always get the "I bet I'm bigger than your man." Maybe, but he's the perfect size for me. I have no complaints.