Saturday, March 27, 2010

Where have all the boys gone?

What kind of sex blogger doesn't have sex? Well.... apparently this sex blogger. The sex in my life has been tapering down in frequency for the past 6 months or so, and with the ending of yet another fuck buddy relationship, I'm faced with the idea that I have no idea when the next time I have sex will be. This idea both freaks me out and frustrates me.

I've mentioned before both the fact that I sincerely hate the search and screening of a new sex partner process, and I have the highest sex drive of anyone I've ever met. (I'm sure they're are more people out there like me, but I've never met anyone, and I sure has hell have never slept with anyone that even came close). These two facts leave me in a perpetual dilemma, constantly wanting sex partners, but never wanting to have to find them.

Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I believed fr a little to long in the stereotype that men always want it and it's the girl's job to regulate how much sex the uncontrollable boy gets. In the end, it all results in my constant surprise at how hard it is to find reliable sex partners. It's not hard to find someone to fuck once. Give me 10 minutes on craigslist and I can have plans with at least 5 or 6 different men, but that's not what I'm looking for. 1. I never meet up with someone for sex without emailing back and forth and at least 1 g chat conversation. I have a pretty good judge of character, and if you can get past that phase of the process, you're generally a decent person. 2. I'm not looking for a one time thing.

With the amount of sex I want to have, I would be racking up numbers like crazy to keep myself satisfied, and while I don't have a problem with large numbers, the increase in exposure and risks of all kinds (craigslist killer anyone?) isn't something I want. So why is it so hard to find men who want to meet habitually? I make it clear I am NOT looking for a relationship. I don't stay over, I bring my own protection and toys, and if I do say so myself, I'm pretty good in bed, so I don't get it. I would think guys would be as happy as I am to not have to keep looking for lots of sex partners, but lately that hasn't been the case.

Who knows, maybe I just pick bad people, or maybe noncommittal people just pick me, but whatever it is, I'm sick of it. Is it really that hard to find a guy (or girl, but honestly, with as hard as it is to find a guy, and how many more of them (straight men) there are, I've sort of given up on finding a girl, or a few guys) that wants to have sex a few times a week and have someone to call when they just want their brains fucked out? Apparently it is. Who knew?

I'm sure this should lead me to some larger conclusions about life and stereotypes and sex drives and feminist or something but honestly, at the moment I'm just annoyed I'm not getting laid.


  1. So what you mean is "Where have all the *good* boys gone?" Is that correct? 'Cause that's a different question.

    Fascinating post. Always a wonder to get a peek inside other people's lives.

    I wish I had magical, cure-all advice for you. (I don't.) All I can say is, "Thank you for the post. Looking forward to see how it turns out."

  2. I read this and nodded. It's one of those things. I hate screening potential sex partners and the idea of working toward that monogamous committed relationship is a bore, then again it's something that needs to be desired, and I only desire the intimate fun, not the 'where are we going to be in 5 years time?'
    But yes, it's annoying to write about sex and experience a dry spell.

  3. Your opening question, "What kind of sex blogger doesn't have sex?" caught my attention. Add me to the list with yourself. Of course the underlying theme of my blog is all about not having sex more than about having it. Because that has been the pattern of my life for far too many years.

    I am always surprised that so many people are apparently able to find sex partners so easily. It has never been easy for me. Not even the one time only type of hook up. In person, I am never sure of how to move past simple conversation. Online it seldom moves past emails and chat.

    So many women I meet online (also using OKC, as I think you are) have only one interest: long term relationship leading to marriage. I'm not opposed to that if it happens (well maybe not the marriage part), but I am often rejected out of hand because I suggest that it might be a good idea to just get to know one another first.