Friday, February 5, 2010

My Love Affair with Porn Part 2

Growing up, my friends and I never talked about sex much. The closest we ever ame was a sleepover when I was 16 or so where a few of the girls admitted to masturbating, and where I revealed my adventures in babysitting with the spice channel. When I got to college, my friends were just as inexperienced and quiet about it as I was aside from occasional jokes. When I started being sexual with my first boyfriend, I felt really lost and confused and didn't have anyone to talk to.

Being the geek that I am, I decided to research. I started watching all the porn I could find, figuring that if anyone had sex well, it would be porn stars. I never got "the talk" growing up. I didn't have sexually open friends until after I was having having sex regularly, and I was scared to reveal the extent of my inexperience and ask my much older boyfriend to explain things to me, so almost everything I knew about the actual physical mechanics of sex I learned from porn.

I know there are feminists everywhere tearing thier hair out at that statement, and yes, I will totally own the fact that the porn I watched was the big hair, big tits, airbrushed to hell studio films women like to bash most. I loved them then, and they hold a special place in my heart now. I found them to be very educational. It hasn't always been meant as a compliment, but I've been told more then once that I "fuck like a porn star." So, here is the rundown of what I learned from porn.

- Blowjobs can/should be both pleasurable and messy
Those girls in the movies attack a dick like it's their first meal in a week. They moan around them as they work. They really look like their enjoying themselves. I realized that while my friends had been discussing how gross it would be to perform oral sex, apparently it could be fun. The girls would also lick, slurp and spit, making everything slick and slippery without shame, without apologizing, and without stopping to grab a towel.

- Play with your own clit
Girls in porn do this all the time. During penetration, they reach down, play with their clits and get themselves off. I never knew this wasn't something that everyone did. I did it the first time I had sex, and pretty much every time after. It puts me in control of my pleasure, which is always a good thing.

- Being....*ahem*... vocally appreciative is sexy
Porn is loud. Loud is hot. Would you want to watch two people fuck in silence? Neither would I, but for some reason, people get shy when it comes to thier own bedroom. Yes there are things like parents or roommates or neighbors to consider, but you can always smother yours cries with a pillow. I'm not saying you should put on a show if you're not feeling it, but don't stifle yourself for fear of sounding stupid. Making someone cum so hard they make a ridiculous/funny noise is an accomplishment. I've said it before, but it bears repeating. If you can't laugh at/during sex, you don't deserve to be having it.

- Butt sex is fun/normal/sexy
I know there are tons of problems with the word normal, but in terms of what my 19 year old self gleened from porn, normal was exactly what I was looking for. I wanted to know what people did. I found, in these movies, people had anal sex. Most people had butt sex, and from what it looked like on screen, it didn't hurt, it wasn't scary, and the girls looked like they were enjoying it. I realize now it's very possible they weren't enjoying it at all, but seeing it on screen gave me the courage to try it, since by that point, I'd gotten more sex positive friends, but none of them had ever done it. If you read this blog regularly, you already know I love butt sex. I have porn to thank for that.

- Facials are acceptable
I know that a lot of women find them demeaning. I never have. I've cum on men's faces, I don't see the big deal in letting them cum on mine. Again, this was something my friends were ignorant of or actively opposed to, but something I wanted to try after seeing it so often. I'm not a huge fan, I prefer to swallow, mainly because it requires less clean up and I'm lazy. But I get off on getting others off, so I'm glad I can fulfill the fantasy that most guys I've been with haven't had the chance to.

So yes, porn can be ridiculous, and porn can be unrealistic, but it taught me everything I know, and I'm proud to fuck like a porn star. On that note kiddies, I'll be signing off saying, if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

4 comments:

  1. Considering that most all kids growing up today are being exposed to porn from a fairly early age, it seems that more and more people will be getting a 'healthy' (or not?) dose of sex ed from what they see and hear there. I hope most are able to bring that into their personal sex lives as successfully as you seem to have.

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  2. I think some people's problem is that they aspire to have "porn" sex and porn sex is mostly fantasy. It's weird for most people to enjoy brightly lit acrobatic sex on a regular basis. I hope that some people don't think that's always the way it is or they will be disappointed.

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  3. The problem with porn is that there is a whole generation of men who believe that we all look like pornstars - real women can have pubic hair, wobbly bellies, saggy boobs, c-section scars, dark pigmentation down below, large labia, etc. etc. but we can still fuck like a porn star and really enjoy it!

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  4. First of all, let me say that this is the first time I've visited this blog and I think it's wonderful; thoughtful reflections on sexuality are refreshing! As a guy, I've seen my fair share of porn, and I'm kind of ambivalent about it. Here's why: 1. Although it can be quite instructive in the ways of enjoying sex with abandon, it can also be destructive to one's self image. This goes for women & men. It seems like upwards of 80% of women doing porn have implants, (personally I think they looks silly, and they also take away from the supple elegance of natural breasts) also, it seems that every guy has an enormous tool. With the exception of amateur pornography (the best kind, in my opinion) it's rare that you'll see a guy who's member is under seven or eight inches. Men are notoriously self-conscious about the size of their member. Seeing all those enormous schlongs can really make a guy feel inadequate, the same way that Barbie-doll-type porn-stars can make many women feel inadequate (do a significant number of women even watch porn?) 2. Porn kills the imagination! Sure it can give you new ideas to try out and it's much easy to get turned on by watching people go at it on your computer screen, but ultimately, it's much more satisfying to conjure up one's own sexual fantasy using one's imagination.

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