Saturday, January 30, 2010

My Love Affair with Porn Part 1

I love porn, I do. I know that there are a lot of women out there who are don't like it, are intimidated by it, or don't want their significant others watching it. I've never been one of those women. However, my first exposure to porn didn't really foreshadow my love of it now. When I was 12 I started babysitting for a local family. They had one of those cable boxes that got every channel illegally. The kids and I would watch HBO family, and soon enough, the kids would all be in bed and I would have full access to every channel imaginable. The first time I found the spice channel was purely by accident. Flicking through the channels I was looking for something to watch, and just going through everything. One of the upper channels, 98 or 97, something like that was msnbc during the day, but turned into the spice channel after 10 or so. I got to the number and some scantily clad woman was talking to a smarmy looking guy in jeans. Within seconds, their clothes were off and he was fucking her from behind, with the camera in one of those extreme close up shots.

I was horrified. It all looked so violent and painful. However, as is the way with porn, I couldn't look away. I was glued to the screen, fascinated and paranoid that the children's parents were going to come home to find me. Soon after, also at the house where I babysat, Skinamax movies. I was hooked to them. The soft lighting and less graphic sex glued me to the screen while still turning me on. This was back in the days before I masturbated, so I don't know what I did when I got home. For a couple years after that, I snuck around watching scrambled porn when I could, until, when I was about 14 or so, the spice channel inexplicably disappeared forever from our cable settings.

I didn't start masturbating until I was almost 18. Even though I always have had an intense imagination, I've never been one to just lay in bed by myself just fucking away staring at the ceiling. I always need inspiration, but I needed something that would look innocuous to my mother if she was in my room. Thus began my foray into written porn. In highschool I was really into a lot of very dark books and authors, one of whom was Bret Easton Ellis, of American Psycho fame. His books had these intense, graphic sex scenes, and I had them in my nightstand. His book Glamourama had a bisexual mmf threesome scene, which I'm pretty sure the book still automatically opens to I read it so often. I can still recite chucks of it by heart. I soon found online caches of written porn and felt confident sitting in front of a screen of text that I wouldn't be caught doing anything illicit.

It wasn't until I got my first boyfriend, P, that I started watching porn again. He was a fan of the Andrew Blake films.... arty, black in white, really awesome clothes, total fucking snooze fests. I used to watch them on fast forward to get any sort of sense of action. I learned then and there that I would never be the "woman's porn" kind of girl. I liked my sex hard and fast and loud, which meant I had to go buy my own.

This post is going to end here, or it's going to be epic length. The next installment will be my first sad attempts to buy porn, my recommendations for different kinds of porn, and my discussion of the internet and porn... so tune in next week, but for now, this is cleofaye saying, if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

4 comments:

  1. I haven't watched a lot of porn myself. I love erotica and erotic fiction. So watching with Mr Fireman I was like a kid in a candy store.

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  2. I watch porn from time to time and don't really care for the scripted, bad acting. I usually go for the amateurs and others like on tube8 or pornhub. I don't like real soft porn either.

    xo,
    Vicky

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  3. My first experience with porn was at a public movie theater. A two-screened theater in Williamsburg, VA. One screen showed first run Hollywood movies the other hard core porn. I was hooked from the first cum shot I saw and haven't stopped watching since...that was in 1970.

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  4. thank’s for the interesting information

    ReplyDelete