Thursday, January 21, 2010

My adventures in online dating: Episode 1

I think I've stated before that I don't really date so much, I'm a little gun shy from past experiences, and am doing the whole "focus on yourself for a while" thing, and to be honest, I'm generally pretty happy single. I have a good life, fab friends and all that, but I can't handle the lack of sex. So that means I have to go and look for sex partners. This is possibly one of my least favorite things to do ever.

In general, I don't like one night stands, I've had people I've had sex with once, either after going out a few times first or because they were far away not seeing them again, but in general, I try to avoid just picking up a random person whom I don't intend to see again. So... what to do? I don't want to put myself out there as someone who is looking for a s/o, but I also don't want to just say I'll fuck anything that moves.

I've done the craigslist thing, and it has gotten me people, but it's a whole lot of work in terms of screening, so I decided to post a profile on a free dating site and see what happened. I filling out the profile honestly, stating that I wasn't looking for a relationship, but not a one night stand either. I picked the "casual sex" and "short term dating" options, and was on my way.

Jesus Christ I was unprepared for what I got, and I've gotten weeks of blog fodder out of the one month I maintained the profile (yes, I've since deactivated the account.) I plan on posting them every once in a while, since we can all use a good laugh. Here we go....

After about a week online, getting messages here and there, following up with some, ignoring others, still tweeting the filters I can activate on the account, I get an email telling me I have a message. It's from a 25 year old guy in jersey, is completely unoriginal, something of the "hit me up" variety.

I check out his profile to see he is looking for a wife and mother to his child. He's super religious and conservative (not that these things aren't fine in and of themselves, but they're just not really for me). He, in short, looks like the exact opposite of everything I was so up front about wanting. I tell myself I'll think about it, log out and go about my work day. About an hour later I get another message, log on, and the second I am on get an instant message from guy number one stating "That's for the ignore Bitch!" followed by "You don't know what you're missing out on"

I logged off and honestly was a little shaken. This site allows you to see who has viewed your profile, so since I had looked at his and not responded (in less then an hour since he had sent the message) he verbally attacked me. I quickly changed the settings so someone so different from me couldn't IM me directly again. It would be funny if it weren't so harassing.

I'll have some other stories up soon, some funny, some sexy, some none of the above, but online dating has made me want to invest in a fucking machine and swear off sex all together. So feel free to start a dialogue. Have any of you done online dating, had any complete nut jobs? I'd love to hear I'm not the only one who gets stuff like this. As always, I'll sign off saying this is cleofaye, and if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!


  1. Having played the online game as an older man for many years, I am always fascinated to hear of how different it is for women. I cannot really fathom some of the crap you have to put up with, which makes it clear that there are an awful lot of creeps out there. And makes me wonder why sincere guys like me with well crafted profiles and usually well written introductory messages just constantly get brushed aside.

    My experience with most such sites is that they are not worth paying a penny for. I belong to one free site that has actually allowed me to find some very special friends over the years.

    Looking forward to more of your tales from the trenches of online dating.

  2. I've done the online dating thing ALOT. I met and seriously dated an Irish guy who moved over to the US to be with me (that was a shitty, messy breakup). I met and dated a guy with so much emotional baggage that, months after he and I ended things, I called the police on him. I don't know why I stuck with online dating, but I was just never able to meet new people, I guess. So I tried out in April 2007. And I wasn't looking for anything particular at the time, just for possibilities. I even looked outside of my "suggested matches." And I met my husband. I found him after being on the site for only, like, three days. We've been together almost every single day since then. :) Obviously not a typical story, but it's my story.

  3. I have had horrible problems online dating as well. Don't let those few experiences turn you off completely. Some people just do not know how to act. It's a shame. I try to meet people to actually date and not "hook-ups" and it can be tough sometimes. Keep going and stay strong!

  4. Online dating has made me want to invest in a fucking machine and swear off sex all together.