Friday, November 27, 2009

Cyber sex

Just a quick aside before we get started. I usually won't count an e[lust] post as one of my posts for the week, but with going home to my parent's house, things were a little crazy this week. I still love you all I assure you. I try to keep to my schedule of twice a week as best as I can and will continue to do so, but just to warn you, things may get slightly erratic around Christmas. Anyway... back to our regularly scheduled program.

My family has always been on the cutting edge in the computer world. I remember having a computer at 6 or 7 with a black and orange screen I played (and sucked at, hey don't judge, I was 7) Dig Dug on. We signed up for AOL when I was in 9. By early junior high, I was already a pro at sex talk, though I had no idea what I was saying half the time.

As I got older, things got easier. Originally you would have to wander into chat rooms and find someone who wanted to IM. Even 13 year old boys with the best of intentions will go down the slippery slope of cyber sex with minimal encouragement. By the time I was in high school, and working well past midnight in the summer, I didn't even have to have the intention. If you had AOL, and were online past about 1 AM, people lost all pretense. I would have random IM windows pop up with strangers I didn't know asking the one word question: cyber?

I loved the anonymity the internet afforded me. I was painfully shy in real life, and terrified of sexuality, but online, I knew exact what I was doing. I crafted persona with skill. I was everything online that I wasn't in real life. I was a tall leggy blond (by the by, why is it always blond? I've been blond, I'm way hotter brunette, but for some reason, blond had that fantasy appeal). My name was Katie, Stacy, Tiffany, anything super feminine, I used every stripper name in the book.

I was sex personified for these guys. In the internet ether, I sucked them off, I rode them, I let them plow me doggy style. I let them tie me up, I let them smack me, I was anything and everything they wanted. Yet somehow, in all of this, I never realized I was supposed to be masturbating on the other side. I would sit and talk, I would describe in detail a fantastic sex scene and be completely disconnected. It took me years to understand that the wetness in my pussy had anything to do with what I was putting down in words. I tried masturbating during a session maybe once or twice in high school. I found the whole experience wholly unfulfilling and never bothered to try again.

With the advent of AIM and getting a roommate in college, my cybering days were pretty much behind me. However, I recently found myself in a shockingly familiar situation twice in a week. Both encounters started through twitter, to be carried out via gchat. As soon as the conversations were moved, I knew what was going to happen, though both men state they had no such intentions. I got myself off during the encounters, as well as getting the other participants off as well (I think. Who knows, maybe they were faking like I used to). I credit this both to my much improved masturbation techinques as well as an actual sexual investment in the encounter, having talked to both men previously in a non sexual way. With my recent ban on dating, I'm finding cyber sex to be a fun, safe, non preganacy producing way to get off. It's more engrossing then porn and I think it's something I'm going to keep up, even though it does feel a little old school.

I was going to give my how to advice, but everyone has to develop tier own style, just like in regular writing. I read a whole lot of porn in my day, and learned from there what I did and didn't like in terms of euphemisms and lovey vs. explicit language (I come down on the side of explicit, yes I know, you're completely shocked, but hey, I'm consistent.) The best advice I can give you is if you want to try it, go for it. Just picture what you like, or even your favorite porn. Feel free to make up yourself and/or your partner to be everything they're not, and just have fun with it. (or, if you're feeling lazy, just ask them what they would do to you and send them a "yeah" and an "oh that's fucking hot" every once in a while while you get off.) Alright kiddies, go out there and have the most crazy, ridiculous, completely implausible sex ever, online, anything is possible. I'm signing off, as always with, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Monday, November 23, 2009

[e] lust #1

Hey guys, I volunteered to help put together e[lust], a new blog roll for sex bloggers. I submitted as well and was voted one of the top picks! Here's the entire post, check some of them out, I really enjoyed the variety we got. So here it is, the premier addition of e[lust]!

s5


HNT Courtesy of Coy Pink




Welcome to the first edition of e[lust]! Below is your source for inspirations of lust and sexual intelligence from a wide range of sex bloggers. Want to be included in the next edition? Submission period opens for e[lust] # 2 on November 20th – subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for all updates! Check out the submission guidelines and rules of general conduct here.




This week’s top three picks as chosen by fellow e[lust] participants:





At Your Service - His hand pushes on my thigh and I turn away from him, allowing him to inspect my ass. His hands spread my ass cheeks and again I flood with wetness.



Cinderella – “‘I want to fuck you…’ he growled, nipping at her neck and kissing down over her breasts, biting at her nipples through the fabric, making her cry out.






Anal Sex Pt 2: The Ins and Outs of Butt Sex - Butt sex is what you make of it. Enjoy yourselves, be careful, and try everything that looks interesting.





Editor’s Pick:





The Slut Chronicles #5 – The Flight Delay – “When her eye caught his blatantly checking her out, he only grinned wider, with no remorse at all and it was she who blushed furiously.”




A note from the editor: And so it begins…



See also: Pleasurist’s #54 for your sex toy review needs.




All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!



Erotic Writing



Just A Little Taste

Older and Better Than Ever

Good Morning


Your Eyes

MFM: The Student. The Teacher.

Get Me Off

The Club & Introductory Note

Don’t Come


The City

Howl at the Moon

Rimjob

Consumed

The Devil Inside


One of the Greats

Room Service




Kink & Fetish



A Busy Night


Bad Taste?

Protocols

The Illusion of Beginning: Pt 1

“You hit me…”

Reconnecting


Too Many Buttons

Nadia’s Wishing Box

The Mason Jar

So Sexy Boots




Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships



Swing Shift Vol. 18 – Safe Sex and Getting Tested

Libido Resurrection Programme™


Check Up

Oh, Baby, Baby

UnderRated: Fucking the Mind



Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor




Vixen Invites

I’m Quoted in Time Out NY!

Top Five Tuesday – Euro Studs

She Makes Me Feel Like a Whore

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Transgender Day of Rememberance

Yesterday (November 20th) was Transgender Day of Remembrance, to honor all those who have been killed for being gender variant in some way. All day I tried to write something about it. I really wanted to write an insightful, interesting, call to action blog. I wanted to inspire. But the fact is, I don't know what to say. I don't understand it.

I get not understanding gender variance is something I understand. I didn't really get it until I realized that I kind of am it, and started dating trans girls. However, the idea that it has been a motive for murder still baffles me. I read a statistic that I believe may in fact be years old at this point, but still relevant, that 1 in 12 transsexuals are murdered. I've since learned that mainly means trans women, and is especially valid for trans women of color.

1 in 12. Think about that. For the the average cis person, it's one in over a thousand, depending on race, location, and a number of other factors, but never does it ever get close to 1 in 12. This number haunted me through both my relationships with trans women. B worked in a conservative environment with almost all men. Every time I said good bye to her part of me clenched, only to release when she was in my arms again. She was safe with me, in my little bubbled world of queer and trans friendly people. I hated it every time she left my bubble, I would worry. Worry that something would happen, someone would decide that she was a threat, and no one would know to call me.

1 in 12. That's disgusting, it's not fair, it's not right and it should change, now. I wish I could leave you with some amazingly hopeful and inspiring words, but I have none. I only hope that you are as upset by this as I am and maybe when the tears end, change can begin.

1 in 12.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

PSA: Fucking him isn't fucking the patriarchy

Hey guys, life is a little crazy at the moment, so I'm a little strapped for time. I decided to cross post some of my entries from Cuntlove here because 1. I'm really proud of them and 2. I've really enjoyed some of the discussion they've created (Also even my best friend/roommate doesn't usually read my entries from there, so I can't expect you all to either). I'll be posting something original for my later in the week post, but here's my first offering from my cuntlove backlogs.

I am a feminist. I took lots of women and gender studies classes in college, I ran in circles with the “women in leadership and learning” girls, I have defended everything from my right to my body to my right to stay home and raise a family if that’s what I want. I’m a card-carrying member, and wave my feminist flag high. For me, it has always meant my right to choose whatever is best for me, as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else.

Imagine my surprise when I learned from my friends that no, being a feminist came with certain obligations, and certain things it was understood that you just didn’t do. You didn’t want to stay home to care for your kids and house. You didn’t take stereotypically feminine jobs like day care or teaching. You would never be in porn or the sex industry. And finally, you would never, ever, let some man tie you up and hit you for pleasure.

I was a submissive in an S&M relationship for about three years. Even some of my most sex positive friends were horrified and appalled at my behavior. I was kneeling at the feet of a man? I was serving him? I was letting tie me up, hit me, force me to do things against my will? What was wrong with me? Didn’t I know I was supposed to be strong, independent, and completely in charge of my own sexuality?

I would look at them, sigh, and buckle down for the fight. These women always had the best intentions, wanting to save me from myself. They also had never been in and D/s relationship and had no understanding of the BDSM community. Yes I knew all these things I was “supposed” to be. I also had to explain that I was all those things, just not in a way they understood it.

In BDSM there is a well known concept of “topping from the bottom” meaning that the sub of the relationship is really in control. Though safe words, preset limits, and lots of communication, the sub sets the rules and has the right to stop and change a scene whenever they want. The fun of being a sub is knowing that you can lose control and test your limits within these boundaries that you have already set. Loosing control in a very controlled way as it were.

However, even with all of this, the most important point is, what I do in my bedroom has nothing to do with who I am outside those walls. If I submit to a dominant partner, that does not mean I would ever submit, as a woman, to anyone else. It doesn’t mean I would accept substandard treatment or any requirements based on my gender. It’s a single relationship with a single other person (or multiple other people, but you get my point). It does not translate into any over arching belief about women or men.

The flip side is also true. Recently I’ve been enjoying being a dom, to sexual partners that happen to be men. This is something I think is fun and interesting. It has nothing to do with my “rage against the patriarchy” or my desire to put a man in his place. It’s about my desire to put this man in his place. You should never bring your outside feelings into an S&M, as a top or bottom, but tops need to be particularly controlled. There is no bringing in you “Men as oppressors” rage, no “I had a shitty day at work” rage, no “he/she pissed me off last night and now I get to pay it back” rage. None of that. It’s just you and them, you helping them to explore their boundaries, them trusting you to do it safely and within their limits. Anything more or less would be a betrayal of the trust and understanding required for such and exchange.

So yes, I’m sometimes a dom. Yes, I’ve tied up, beaten, held down and forced both men and women. Yes, I’m also sometimes a submissive. Yes, I have been tied up, beaten, held down, forced. Yes I’ve been called a bitch, slut, whore, and cunt. Yes, I’ve catered to my dom’s every need. Yes, I’ve even explored rape fantasies. And yes, I’m still a card-carrying feminist.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Spicing it up: Bondage Materials

I've talked briefly about bondage, mainly it's use in sensation play and mentioning the fact that I have experience with it, bu today we're going to get into the nuts and bolts of bondage. We're talking about materials. Before we talk about what to do with bondage, how to tie someone up, or all the fun safe word limit discussion that we'll have, first we have to know what we are working with.

First of all, you don't have to spend a lot of money or live in a big city to find most bondage materials, and like I've said before, there is always the internet if you're feeling too shy to buy things in person, though if you have a good sex shop in the area, I really do recommend you use it. So there are a number of ways you can bind someone, and different materials are better for some things then others. Here we're going to do a quick breakdown of different materials, the pros and cons of each, and what they're best for going from the most beginner friendly to those you might want a little more experience for.

First I will preface this with if you are planning to do any bondage at all, I don't care how light, have a pair of safety scissors. You can get them at most pharmacy type stores or medical supply stores, pretty much any decent first aid kit should have a pair. They should be heavy duty enough to cut through the thickest, toughest material you're using for play, and they should have the flat bottom so they don't cut the person you're cutting out. If you've talked about it beforehand, the likelihood is that you won't have to use them, but I'll say from experience that sometimes you just need to be out of a set up, NOW. So go out, get a pair, and have them on the bedside table next to the condoms and rope.

I'll also put out there that I don't advocate using handcuffs. I don't care how cute and fuzzy and pink they are, they can be dangerous. If they have actual locks, even more so, but I don't recommend those with button closures either. If your sub starts to panic, you may not be able to reach, still, and unlock their hands quickly enough before they hurt themselves or you. If you do insist on cuffs, invest in a good leather pair.

1. Tights/thigh highs/nylons
Pros - Unassuming, they are completely nonthreatening and you're not going to freak anyone out bringing the out in the bedroom.
- Soft but tighten. If you tie them tightly, they will slacken and feel soft as the sub relaxes, but if they struggle and pull, they tighten again.
- You probably already own a pair
- Cheap
Cons - They can slip, especially if you are using them to tie your sub to something, like the bed.
- Limited length options. They only come in like two different lengths, both pretty short for a lot of more elaborate riggings.
Best For - Ankle or wrist cuffs, short distances, wrist or ankles to bed.
Not Good For - Blindfolds (they're see through and not wide enough), harnesses

2. Scarfs (I like to use the ones they sell for hair, long and thin, but any will work)
Pros - Unassuming and nonthreatening
- You probably already have them around your house
- Cheap
- Can pick from a range of textures/fabrics
Cons - Limited number of lengths available, most pretty short
- Sometimes the stress of binding someone will permanently crumple them, so you may ruin them for anything other then bondage.
Best For - Blindfolds, tying wrists together, tying wrists or ankles to bed
Not Good For - harnesses

3. Bondage tape
Pros - Only sticks to itself, not hair or clothing, won't leave any stickiness behind
- Cheap
- Can use it to make clothing, I've seen it used to make tube tops, skirts, dresses and the like, very hot.
Cons - You can reuse it, but it doesn't work as well the second time, so it can be wasteful
- If you don't use at least twice what you think you'll need, it has a tendency to fall apart with movement.
Best For - Clothing, blindfolds
Not Good For - Cuffs, Harnesses

4. Cuffs
Pros - These things will pretty much last forever as long as you take care of them
- You can get them custom made, or drill holes that are perfect for you
- These things are almost impossible to slip out of.
Cons - Expensive
- If you do customize them, remember that's only for that person, so the cuffs go with them in the divorce
- They all have a specific purpose and for the most part they can't be interchanged
Best For - Cuffs (ankle/wrist, whatever you bought them for)
Not Good For - Pretty much anything else

5. Rope - I could do a whole entry just on rope, and one day I will, but for now, just the basics.
Pros - Huge variety in textures from silky to completely rough
- There's something at every price point
- You can get it in any length you can think of
- You can do almost anything with it (one word - Shibari)
- You can buy it anywhere, you don't have to set foot in a sex store.
Cons - Can be cumbersome to handle in long lengths
- Takes a lot of practice and knowledge to get very good at it
- Most dangerous. There is no give and if you try too much too soon, you could really hurt someone.
Best For - Harnesses, cuffs, tying to the bed
Not Good For - Blindfolds

So those are the basics. I will do a more extensive rope entry at some point soon, but this should give you a good starting point. Have fun with it, and don't feel limited by this list, as long as it's safe, the only thing stopping you is your imagination. That's it for me for tonight, so I'll leave you by saying, as always, if you don't know, just ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Older Couple

I wrote earlier about being propositioned for a threesome via twitter. I said that I would keep you updated if I decided to go for it. I agreed at the time, but she lives in DC, and her boyfriend lived in NYC, so coordinating all of us getting together was difficult. She was going to be in the city this past weekend, and I had volunteered to come up for it about a month ago. However, she and her boyfriend were booked for the weekend, so we agreed we'd figure it out eventually but that it probably wasn't going to be any time in the immediate future. Then early last week, I got a direct message from her saying that the couple that they had been planning on meeting fell through and invited me to come up to meet them on Saturday night.

To be honest, I was a little freaked. I've had threesomes before, and I've met people through the internet to have sex before, but for some reason this felt like it was crossing some sort of different line. I don't have many lines left in life, so when I find them, I'm always a little scared of how I'm going to react if I cross them. I took a day to think, talked to a couple of my non judgemental friends, and made up my mind. In terms of safety, it was much less risky then a lot of my previous exploits. I had this woman's twitter handle, and had interacted with her for months online. She was also pretty well incorporated into my twitter world, having interacted with a number of my friends as well. I wasn't worried. I told them I'd take the train and meet them in penn station.

I was really nervous Saturday morning. I started grooming hours before I needed to. I showered, shaved, powdered, put on make up, and sat there in my towel, having tons of nervous energy and no idea what to do with myself to get rid of it. I tried on dozens of shirts before finding one that showed off my cleavage enough for my satisfaction. I also put on my sexiest heels, then got in my car on the way there. I took the train up, and met them outside of penn station. They were older then I had thought talking to her online, but they were both very attractive.

They took me out to dinner and drinks, paying for everything. I think it was one of the first times in my life I was taken out all night without it being some sort of special occasion. They were fantastic. M, the woman and D, the man were as open sexually as I am, something I rarely find. They were smart, funny, articulate and interesting. They were everything I wish I could have, but have yet to find, in dates my own age. D is Italian, as in off the boat, as in sexy as hell accent and open European sexual mores. M seemed as much like me sexually as any other woman I've ever met. On our way out of the bar, M asked what we were going from there. I said I would leave it up to them, since I'm always worried that people aren't as into me as I am into them.

She asked if I wanted to come back to the apartment, I told them I did, so we went to D's apartment (which, just fyi, was in a gorgeous building in a place I can only hope to be able to afford someday). It was about midnight and me and M were commiserating about the fact that we were a little sad because we were both more then a little tired. We started watching tv when M told us she was feeling really tired and wasn't up to playing, but she was fine with D and I playing without her. We contiuned watching tv when D, in the most polite way I'd ever encountered, he moved towards me and asked if it was ok, while I was watching tv, for him to "play" with me. He even said I could keep watching tv if I wanted. Between that and the accent, it was the most charming request for sex I'd ever had.

I agreed and he started playing with my boobs over my clothes. I stripped off my shirt and bra and both M and D started stroking my boobs and playing with my nipples. D pulled off my pants and underwear (something I was a little disappointed to find was the fact that even boys old enough to be my father don't stop to admire my underwear, regardless of the fact that I carefully chose some of my cutest undies.) He started going down on me, and while it was hot and a fun experience, I wasn't that excited. I'm not a big fan of oral and I figured it was going to be just another incident of a guy going down on me forever, thinking I should be in heaven when really, I'm just bored and thinking about when I can kick them out.

However, D started fingering me. The man knew what he was doing, and picked up on my reactions enough to realize that he'd figured out what I wanted. He fingered fucked me for what seemed like forever, I came almost the entire time, moaning, cursing and squirming on the couch between the two of them. When I started to come down from the last of my orgasms, I came to realizing that I was laying there completely naked between two fully clothed people who were stroking me on either side. I expected D to start taking off his clothing, start asking for reciprocation, but he just asked if I'd like to take a shower and started discussing sleeping arrangements. It wasn't until we were on the way back to the train station to get me on the last train back to Jersey that I realized that I had just had my first completely selfish sexual experience. I'm such a top normally that I insist on never going first, since I get so turned on getting others off. I've had many sexual encounters that involved me getting someone off and sending them home. I'd never been on the other side. If I had known that I wasn't going to reciprocate, I probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself the way I did.

I don't think I stopped smiling the entire way home, even though I could barely keep awake. I've been in a good sex/life experience haze for days. I would love to get a chance to show what I can do, get them both off, have sex with both of them. I can only hope they enjoyed themselves as much as I did, and that they would like to see me again. Either way, I've realized that swinging may be the solution to my constant want for sex and my extreme dislike of dating. I look forward to more experiences like it.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Spicing it up: Foot Worship

Today I want to discuss a topic that I find to be a lot of fun, but can be really polarizing. Some people love feet. Some people are completely disgusted by feet. I am fine with both camps and have had sexual partners on both sides of the extreme. I have no dependency on foot worship as a sexual practice, but it can be something fun to add to the mix if both partners are into it.

Ever since I was a child, I never liked people touching my feet. I never knew why, but it was "a thing" with me. Something I couldn't articulate, but was very firm about. It became a long running gag with my friends and family to try to touch my feet and play with my toes. I refused to get pedicures or foot rubs, even if I had been on my feet for hours and they were killing me. I never understood why it made me so uncomfortable. I had never been one of those girls who had "pretty feet." I didn't have awful feet, they had high arches and were nice enough to look at, but I never had painted toenails and had rough feet, the result of a life spent barefoot as often as possible.

I first time I had any experience with foot play was when I was a sub with P. I was tied with my hands together above my head, on my stomach. P came up behind me, grabbed my foot, and started kissing the bottoms of my feet, something he had always told me he wanted to do, but that I had never allowed him to do in general. but I had never allowed him to do. I was shocked at how sensitive my foot was. I had never expected to feel anything erotic in my feet, since they were notoriously rough. I loved the way it felt, but I was still uncomfortable with the idea of him playing with my feet in general, P lost interest, and my playing with my feet sort of fell by the wayside.

After P and I broke up, I had a string of girlfriends, all vanilla and distinctly uninterested in really anything kinky. I also, in that time got a rather large tattoo across the top of my left foot, something that is apparently well loved by foot enthusiasts, though I had no idea of that at the time. Then I met A, the kinkiest partner I had ever been with, a complete sub, who confessed very early that he wanted nothing more then for me to force him to worship my feet. He begged me for pictures of them before we met and when we did get together he rubbed, sucked, and licked them with practiced skill. He however, was skeeved by my habit of going barefoot, and rarely touched my feet unless I was fresh out of the shower. Not long after we broke up, I developed the habit of constantly wearing socks and pampering my feet, something I've decided is worth the effort to keep them foot worship ready.

After A, I found M though an ad on craigslist that smacked of inexperience and a need for someone like myself. I offered him my feet to play with, and he offered me 100 dollars for the privilege. I ended up meeting him but not taking the money. When I did met up with him, he rubbed, licked, and kissed my feet in a way that said he was both very turned on and that it wasn't something he was allowed to do often. I then allowed him to come all over them. Being with him showed me how serious foot worship can be for some people.

Now, with all this varied experiences, I have, of course picked up a few pointers here and there, and here they are, in bullet form, cause, you know, everything in life should be in bullet form.

- DO figure out what the foot kink is about. For some people, it's humiliation, for some, it's the look and feel of feet, for others, it's the smell. Talk about what specifically turns them on so you can tailor the experience to their turn ons.

- DO pamper yourself first. Invest in a pumice stone, some good lotion, and some good thick socks to lock in the moisture. If you're into that kind of thing, get a pedicure. Yes you're feet will be sensitive without thinge pamper, but they will be more sensitive after pampering.

- DON'T assume the session has to be all about feet. If you or you're partner (or both of you for that matter) are interested in feet but don't want to focus completely on them, feel free to incorporate them into a normal sex session. Having the girl on her back during sex with her legs in the air is perfect positioning to lick and suck her toes while you're having sex.

- DON'T be afraid to mix it up, try a bunch of different things if you're not sure what your partner likes, you can always custom tailor the experience based on their reactions.

Things to try
- Feeding off feet. Either something you can pick up with your toes (grapes, strawberries and the like) or something that can be licked/sucked off (like whipped cream or frosting) (Just a quick side note, I only like sweet foods with sex, but if you’re really digging the idea of eating olives or something off your partner’s feet, go for it)
- A foot massage with lube, lotion, or massage oil, not only does it lube things up for further play, it feels amazing, especially after a long or particularly stressful day at work
- A foot job. Yes, it's just what it sounds like. Use that lube, lotion or oil, lay on your back, (make sure he's in a position where you don't have to hold your legs up high, you want to minimize the amount of effort, since they are way more strenuous then you'd think) and use the arches of your feet together to rub up and down your partner's cock. Use your toes to play with their balls or the head of their cock. Just be warned, it's way harder then you think it's going to be, and it's more then likely that you'll run out of steam before they come, but as with everything, you'll build up stamina and get used to it with practice. (I don't mean to be heteronormative here, but I've never been exposed to women who wanted feet in their chuffs. If you're out there ladies, I'd love to hear from you and get your input on foot play, but as of right now, I'm of the opinion that it seems to be predominately male.)

- Finally, DO let them come on your feet. For a lot of foot enthusiasts, this is just as good as a face shot, the clean up is a lot easier, and there is no risk of it getting in your eye.

That's it for tonight kiddies. For all you foot players out there, speak up, tell your partners, try it out! This is cleofaye signing off with if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

PSA: Female ejaculation: Learning to love the squirt

I'm going to tell you guys that I'm not the only to have written about this subject. The lovely Olga at Cuntlove has done an extensive 8 part series on female ejaculation over at her site (and mine, in case you forget, I blog there every wed with posts about feminism, kinky sex, and how those things relate to each other. We've had some pretty interesting conversations and I'm really proud of my work there, so check it out if you haven't already, I'll be posting about the joys of topping tomorrow.)

However, I just wanted to put some things straight and have a quick discussion of my experiences with female ejaculation as well as some tips if you wanted to try it for yourself. I didn't know female ejaculation existed growing up or into my college years. Apparently the scrambled porn on the top channels of my parent's cable hadn't quite shown me the full breadth of female sexuality (shocking, I know). I was in bed with my first boyfriend and he was finger fucking me. It was one of the first times I had ever had anything in my butt. It felt amazing, and the experience still ranks and some of the best sex I've ever had, many partners and more then 5 years later. All of the sudden, I came incredibly hard and felt something dripping off my pussy (I was doggy style at the time). I freaked a bit and told P I was done.

While P went to the bathroom to clean up, I freaked. I pulled the blankets off the bed and discovered the huge wet spot where I had been. It was clear, but I've always been one to drink tons of water, so that didn't necessarily mean it wasn't pee. I smelled it, and couldn't smell anything, but again, I didn't know if this just meant I had been very well hydrated or it was something else entirely. I considered putting my clothes on and leaving before P got back from the bathroom. I was freaked out and ashamed that I had possibly peed the bed. P came back to find me in tears, pulling the sheets off his bed. I told him in a shaky voice that I was so sorry and that I didn't know what had happened. He looked at me, looked at the bed, smelled the spot, pulled me into his arms and explained what female ejaculation was. He even popped in a porn with squirting in it to show me I wasn't alone. He told me that it was hot, that he wasn't upset, and that even if I had peed the bed, knowing that he had made me come hard enough to lose that kind of control would never upset him.

I left his house shaken, but considerably calmer and started my own research. There isn't a lot of information out there. I even used my college's academic resources to look up scholarly articles and frankly, found way more crap on random websites that had no credibility and all anecdotal evidence. I read a few articles and found out things like, just like boys can't really pee when they are close to orgasm, because the the channel for urine is being overtaken by the channel for semen, women usually can't pee when they are very turned on and close to orgasm. Also, while it can look like pee, ejaculate comes from the skeen's gland and, just like vaginal fluid changes in smell, consistency, and taste depending on where the girl is in her menstrual cycle. Since then, I've seen my own, and a few other girl's squirt range from clear and completely liquid to thick, white and opaque, looking like male cum.

There is still little scientific research on female ejaculation, and there is still a raging debate on if the phenomenon even exists. As someone who has, since that first terrifying experience, been doing it routinely for the past 5 years, I'll putting myself firmly on the yes, it does exist side of the debate. If you've thought about it, and want to try it here are a few things I've discovered from my personal experience, though keep in mind that almost everything I tell you has at least a few people who will swear the opposite is true. However, in my g otravels I've thought about both my experience and those I've talked to about it (and yes, I talk to almost everyone I meet about sex) and these are the facts that we've come up with.

1. I've found the squirting is usually related to intensity of orgasm. While an intense orgasm doesn't automatically mean that an ejaculation will happen, it's much more likely with an intense orgasm then a mild one.

2. Most woman need some kind of penetration, usually including g spot stimulation to be able to squirt. I have yet to meet anyone who has been able to squirt from strictly clitoral stimulation.

3. The less hydrated you are, the thicker the consistency of the ejaculate.

4. Stimulation of the g spot usually results in the feeling of having to pee at first, freaking a lot of woman out and causing them to stop the stimulation before that sensation passes (which it will) and intense, orgasmic sensations replace them.

5. Many woman feel the sensation of a build up of pressure similar to a full bladder before they ejaculate. Again, this sensation can cause many woman to stop short of orgasm, but just go with it and you may end up ejaculating.

6. Finally, many woman are freaked out the first time it happens or are scared of their partner's reaction, but I'm hear to assure you as both someone who has done it and been with girl's who could, I've never found it anything but hot and the most negative reaction I ever received was indifference.

So I encourage you to try it, at home by yourself at first if that makes you more comfortable, if it has been something you're interested in. There are some good resources out there, so do a little research of your own, and go for it. So this is cleofaye saying, spray the walls kiddies and, as always, if you're unsure, just ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction.