Monday, October 12, 2009

Strapping it on Part 2: Doin the Deed

So you've picked out the perfect strap on... it's cute, it's hot, it's sexy, and it's all yours, and you can't wait to use it right? Right. But the question is, how do you want to use it. To talk about strap on sex, there is an important component we have to discuss. What about strap on sex appeals to you? Is it just a fun way to get off your partner hands free, or is there more to it for you? For some girls, there is a distinct feeling of power and fun in the gender-bending aspect of having your own penis. If this is you, feel free to try some role playing with your strap on. Have your girl give you a blowjob or handjob. You'd be surprised how erotic it can be, even if isn't exactly part of you.

I don't really have a fun anecdote for the first time I used a strap on (We're talking about just on girls, to be clear, we'll get to pegging at a later date). I remember not really being interested in getting one, but my first gf K really wanted me to, so I did. I dated her in a triad with my ex P, so I never really saw the point of it, since we already had a penis in the mix, so penetration was something we could have without a toy. (Yes I know having sex with a girl with a strap on is different, but I was young and stupid, and footing the bill, so I wasn't too psyched to spend the money on something I didn't think we needed.)I only got to use it a handful of times before we broke up. After some experimentation with P, it sat in a drawer gathering dust for a very long time. I've since used it with most of my exs at least once. It's not something that's part of my average sexual experience, but I always end a session with it thinking it's something I should do more often. So here they are, my little list of Dos and Don'ts for strap on sex (with a girl, in the chuff).

- First, DO OWN IT! It can feel a little intimidating or silly donning a strap on and harness for the first time. I remember my first few times; quickly slipping it on sitting on the side of the bed, rolling over and just starting, feeling way too shy to let myself be seen in full glory. Yes, it might feel a little weird at first, but girls with strap ons are hot! Revel in how sexy you are and how much pleasure you're going to give your partner and go for it!

- DON'T crap out! Fucking someone is a lot of work. Like way more then you would ever expect, especially since it's not something we girls get to do that often. You're abs, ass, and thighs will all be feeling it after a few minutes of vigorous sex and probably for a few days after wards. These aren't muscles we use that often, but power through it for the first few times, chalk it up as that day's workout, and pretty soon you'll build up the endurance to go for as long as your partner can take it.

- DO communicate. As much as it can feel like it sometimes, a strap on isn't part of your partner's body, this means she can't always tell right away if she's at a bad angle or hitting your cervix. This means she needs you to TELL HER! If there isn't good communication, sex isn't going to be good for either of you and really, if that's the case, what's the point. Just a quick, "oh, bad angle hunny" or "too deep" keeps the action going while fixing the problem (because you'd never sleep with someone who doesn't pay attention to your signals right? right, good)

- DO watch out for pop out. You got yourself a good stiff dildo right? ok good, then this shouldn't happen too often, but if you get a little overzealous you can pull too far out and the dildo will pop out of your partner. Be very countious of this, since nothing can kill a good strap on session like getting a hard dildo thrust into your taint. It hurts, a lot. Generally the dildo weighs enough to pull your harness down a little when it pops out, look for this sign or try putting a finger on either side of the dildo for your first few times until you get a feel for it.

- DO consider a vibe. We went over that most harnesses or toys (usually at least one or the other) have places in them for a bullet vibrator. If this is something you enjoy, by all means, use it. If you're indifferent, ask your partner's preference.

- DO use lube. You got yourself a nice silicone toy right? Good, now that's a good choice, but silicone toys are notorious for "eating" lube. Even if your girl is a naturally very wet, use a little lube (Water based only, but you knew that already right?). I'm going to go on the record as saying I recently tried Maximus brand water based lube and it's the best water based I've ever used. It's thick, doesn't gum up, and won't hurt your silicone toys, just a quick suggestion.

- DON'T think you're in control. Just because you have the strap on on doesn't mean you're calling the shots. You don't have the sensation to really understand what is going on, so you must listen to your partner. They determine how hard, how fast, how deep and how long. You're cock isn't going to get soft, and theoretically you could go all night, but that's probably not going to be pleasant for the person you're going all night with. When she's done, you're done, no excuses or exceptions. If it's then you're turn, that's fine, but chaffing is no joke, and give your partner a break.

So that's about it. Like I said, we'll be talking about pegging with a strap on in a seperate post, so keep an eye out. In the mean time, have fun kiddies and as always, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

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