Friday, October 2, 2009

Review: Feeldoe

Today we're going to talk about my experiences with the Feeldoe a "strapless strap on" dildo. There are a lot of reasons I picked the feeldoe.
1. It's silicone (though it is available in acrylic as well). I've discussed the benefits of silicone before, but just to recap, here is why it's fantastic. They don't have phthalates (Although people say you can be exposed to them for a small amount of time everyday, I don't want to take the chance. Your vagina is more absorbent then your mouth, and they're banned from things that go in your mouth. That's enough evidence for me.) It doesn't degrade the way other materials can. It has give, but not enough to flop out during sex.
2. It had a removable vibe. I hate vibration, my girlfriend at the time loved it, this would allow us to try it but not have to commit to always having it.
3. It's from a for woman by woman company, which is something I always love to support
4. I had read dozens of reviews of women RAVING about this thing. It was the best inovation since the vibrator was invented, it was amazing, it was the favorite toy ever. I thought if so many people liked it, it had to be good.
5. I go though stages in my life when I'm more genderqueer then normal. I dress in clothes I got from the men's department, including boxer briefs, I wear multiple sports bras in an attempt to flatten my boobs, and I generally try to bend the lines between masculine and feminine. I've always wanted a penis. I don't know if that makes me trans, since I know, as technology stands at the moment, I can't have one, and I've made no attempts to be male without it. The idea of a strap on cock that felt, like the reviews claimed, as close as possible to actually having one sounded amazing.

I discussed it with my girlfriend at the time, B, and she agreed it seemed like a good idea. Her only concern was that it was pricey. I paid about 120 plus tax for mine about a year ago. I agreed it was an investment, but with all the good reviews I'd read I was willing to put down the money for it.

There are multiple sizes available, color coded for your convenience. We bought it, took it home, excited and were cutting open the package the second we were in the house. We had picked the "slim" variety, which, like it sounds, was the same length as the original, but a little thinner. There was also a "stout" model and a "more" model available. I looked at the bulb that kept it in place a little leery. It looked big for me, but I shrugged it off and we made the purchase.

We brought it home excited to try it. We ripped open the packaging, washed it, and started getting naked. We played around for a while, getting ourselves turned on and decided we were ready to try it. I pushed the bulb inside me, wincing in pain. I was very wet (I've always been the kind of girl who leaves a puddle, so there was plenty there) and turned on, but my body still wasn't ready for the width of the bulb. I decided I wanted to keep going, got in position, put B on her hands and knees and pushed the head of the cock end into her ass.... and right out of me. We tried three or four different positions, but every time I thrusted forward, the bulb slid out of my vag. I had read that the feeldoe could be used with or without a harness, so I got out my beloved strap on put the feeldoe in, and tried again, but with the harness, the cock end was at such and extreme angle, we couldn't figure out a feasible position to use. We gave up, disappointed and each with our own set of big old girly blue balls.

There are several reasons this could have happened. I could have weak PC muscles, but as established earlier I've been Kegeling since I was 10 or so and can shoot a dildo several feet during a good orgasm, so I don't think that's the problem.

It could be because we were putting it in B's bum. I'll go on record as saying B had a tight ass, but it wasn't impossibly tight, and many of the reviews I'd read were of women who were using it in the context of a heterosexual couple, so this shouldn't have affected our performance either.

I mentioned before I have a very wet pussy. It's possible I'm just too wet to keep the bulb inside me, but silicone is notorious for drying people out, so I don't think that's it either.

Honestly, I think I was just too tight for the toy. My average dildo that I use for everyday masturbation is half the size of the bulb on the feeldoe. I just wasn't used to having to hold something that big inside me. After the disastrous results we had, I went back to the various websites I had seen the reviews on again. I found that about one in ten people had the same problem I did. I wasn't alone, but I certainly wasn't in the majority.

In all, I was horribly disappointed in the feeldoe. For me, it ended up being a big waste of money. It sits in my drawer collecting dust and annoying me every time I look at it and remember how excited I was when I got it. Apparently, for other people, this is the best sex toy they've ever had. And while I still love this toy on paper, in practicality, for me, it was horrible. I give it 0 stars out of five.

As always kiddies, this is cleofaye telling you, when in doubt, just ask, and when you're unsatisfied, give direction!

1 comment:

  1. Tantus' Feeldoe has a very unisex shape. Those who have had problems with it have found love in Fun Factory's Share. I just started reading your blog, so I don't know if you've tried it - but I'll get down there eventually. (pun intended?) :)