Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Vaginal Sex part 2: Missionary and Girl on Top

So we've talked about vaginal sex and what it means and what consequences it can have a length, so it's time to talk about the fun part. Sex can be one of the most fun things to do in bed. There's tons of variety and a range of attitudes to explore. Sex can be dirty (in a good way), kinky, and rough, or it can be slow, sensual and incredibly intimate.

I will admit, I held off a really long time before I had vaginal sex for the first time. I had butt sex first, and had it for almost 7 months before I agreed to vaginal sex. The first time we did it (on valentine's day, there was music and I believe candles.... yeah, I know, I just threw up in my mouth a little too) I remember thinking... "That's it?" Butt sex involves a lot more sensation. This just felt almost numb in comparison. (This makes sense when you think about it, the vagina has to pass a CHILD. A CHILD! if it could feel things going in or coming out of it the way your ass can, women would die at childbirth). After some position changing and me playing with my clit, we found a rhythm that worked for both of us, but it definitely took a while.

Most women (the stats range from 70% to 90% on this) can't orgasm from penetration alone. Most men (I have no stats for this, sorry) don't actively try to change that. That means that most women don't come in what is, for most couples, the go to form of sexual expression. I don't know about you, but I think that's just wrong. There is no reason that clit stimulation can't play an integral role in vaginal sex, it's just that someone has to take the initiative to make it that way. Women often feel too self conscious, and men either can't multitask, or aren't good at light pressure when they're actually fucking and end up not helping or possibly hurting the poor girl.

As a bit of general advice (because you know I'll be in my do's and don't soon) there are two things that are always important to keep in mind. 1. Girls, play with your fucking clit already! You're probably not going to get off if you don't, and don't wait for him to do it or to tell you to do it. Take control of your own pleasure, and just do it. 2. Positioning is important. In the right position, you can hit the g spot, or go deeper, or go shallower, you can custom make a penis if you know how to use positioning to accommodate for any size.

There are a lot of things you should consider when deciding on what position to have sex in. Though honestly, most of the time, you just fall into something that seems natural and it usually works. However, you never really think of the things that can make sex not work until you try something that REALLY doesn't work. Some things to consider... both of your general size, penis curvature, strength of both partners, penis size, and depth of the girl's vagina. So for this post, and probably at least one possibly two more, I'm breaking down some positions and giving you dos and don'ts for each.

So here we go
-Missionary - best for.... ugh, I don't know, I pretty much hate regular missionary

I truly think missionary is where the whole lie there and think of england shit came from. The guy lays on top of you (all his body weight) thrusts into you (at a bad angle) and you can't even reach you're clit (just fucking bad). For a long time I had a policy of I do everything but missionary when it came to sex, but A did it before I had a chance to protest. I learned from him that you can make this position a bunch of different things, so keep trying.

- DO MODIFY, MODIFY, MODIFY. Pull your legs up and hook them around his back for a better angle. Try everything.

- DO get bendy. You might want to work on your flexibility for this one. Most of the modifications for this one involve being able to comfortably put your ankles up near your head or at the very least your knees to your chest. Be smart about this, you can injure yourself if you force your body into positions it's not ready for.

- DO leave room for clit play. This is self explanatory... have him be more upright, or put one leg down if you're going that route, but seriously, access to the clit is totally important.

- DO have him sit up. Most guys are curved up to some degree, meaning the more upright he is, the more likely you are to be hitting the g spot.

- DO use your kegels. This pretty much applies to every position, but always remember that clenching those muscles will make orgasm easier for both of you.

- DON'T be a "dead fish." One of my ex's used to use that phrase for girls who would just lay there. I think this position doesn't always lend itself to lots of movement on the girls part, but change that! Move around, lift your hips up and fuck him back, make your appreciation vocal! Just have fun, and make sure that he knows you are.

- Woman on Top - best for- girls in control, thinner guys

So Girl on Top is a classic, fun position. There's a lot a variation, and it allows the girl to fulfill her own needs first before letting the guy cum. However, gravity is indeed working against you in this position, so you have to be careful. (Yes, I have in fact broken a penis. Yes, I will write about it, but not until later this week, it deserves and entry all it's own.) This position is good for first times, and anyone who is nervous about penis size or pain, since it allows for the woman to control the speed and depth of penetration.

- DO consider the size of your boy. I'm not talking about penis size, but just general stature here. P was huge, he was just a big guy, and being on top was much harder with him because if I straddled him, I had no room to maneuver. The only way I could bounce up and down was on my feet, which frankly takes a whole lot of quad strength, is exhausting, and is not the best for my bad knee. However, A is average build and I can easily ride him with no such problems.

- DON'T think just up and down. One of the best parts of girl on top sex is the ability to grid on a guy. Moving in a horizontal motion allows the girl to push his penis into her g spot.... or any other place she decides feels good. Yes up and down is good, but have some fun trying just horizontal motion first.

- DO torture with your kegels. You've been working you kegels haven't you? Well this is the time to use them. Squeeze and release, play with the sensation, see how he reacts, repeat as needed.

- DO put on a show! Yes, with woman on top puts you on display a bit. This is a good thing! Use it. Touch yourself, play with your hair, your tits, grab his chest and use it to balance as you ride him. He's having the time of his life with you riding him, make sure you have fun doing it too, and embrace your hotness. There is nothing sexier then a woman who knows she's sexy and is enjoying herself.

- DON'T do all the work... if you don't want to that is. To change things up, you can always raise your hips a little and let him thrust into you from below. It can be a fun loss of control and gives you a little break/ability to let go and focus on your own orgasms.

- DO change it up. This is another position that can change a lot in atmosphere. It can be slow and sensual and totally intimate, with your bodies pressed together and you making out the whole time as easily as it can be rough and purely sexual with the girl completely upright and going to town. Try all of them, see what works for you and what you like.

So kiddies, I don't know why, but writing this entry has been totally taxing, taking me three days and more procrastinating then I want to admit. But there will be more where this came from and I should be posting again in a few days with the infamous broken penis story. Until then kids, this is cleofaye saying when in doubt, just ask, and when you're unsatisfied, give direction!

1 comment:

  1. both parts of this series were awesome. great job and thanks for choosing to put a voice to so many things dealing with sex, body & gender.

    So much damage is done by lack of knowledge and you are standing up for knowledge, acceptance and disclosure.

    It cheers me up to no end.

    -arvan

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