Monday, August 17, 2009

Eating out: A diner's guide

Tehe! Do you love that title? I'm totally proud of it. It makes me giggle, and as I'm trying to impart to all my loving readers out there (or at least the vast audience of loving readers that I write to in my head) sex is fun! Don't take it, or yourself too seriously.

So... on to the good stuff. We're here to talk about eating pussy. Something that takes a bit of finesse, a lot of practice, and a lot of communication with your partner. First of all, I say this a lot but it bares repeating. Everyone is different. People like different things. One person may love penetration (a shout out to the few of us that exist), some may hate it. Pay attention to how your partner reacts, and if you're really feeling ballsy, just ask them what they like before you start, so you aren't going in blind.

There are a few simple things I want to get out of the way before we get into the bulk of this how too.

First, I'm not going to talk about size, shape, and smell here. I've done that already. I'll just say that if you don't love pussy in all it's earthy, slippery goodness, then you don't deserve to be anywhere near it, it's as simple as that. If you're really that squeamish, shower with them beforehand, but really, just suck it up and get down there already.

Second, if you're going to use fingers (more on that in a moment) I've been over the need to keep them clean, trimmed, and free of jagged edges. No matter how many porns you've watched with girls and their long ass acrylic nails, it's not a good idea, ever.

Third.... on the matter of red wings.... I honestly don't know too much what to say. I've never gone down on a girl with her period, their choice not mine. I'm not bothered by the concept, but if the recipient is too self conscious to enjoy herself, it's not worth it for me. There's no health risks involved (assuming everyone has a clean bill of health to start with), so it really comes down to a personal preference. Talk it over with your partner, and make the decision for yourselves.

Ok, now we're going to talk about hair. I've been with girls with full on seventies bush, and I've been with girls bald as a que ball. I'm not picky, you put a pussy in front of me, and I'm happy, regardless of the hairstyle. However, I will say that I enjoy a shaved pussy, mainly because it allows for access to more sensitive areas to play with. It's also nice not breathing in pubes when you're buried nose deep. It's a personal decision.... and like I said, I'm happy either way, but just keep in mind how sensitive your labia majora (outer pussy lips) are, and how fun it is to have them sucked...just sayin. That said, if you're worried about shaving, and trust your partner, you can always have them do it for you (but that's a subject for another day and blog entry).

I have seen a fair share of pussy, and while they range in shape, size, and color, one thing does not change. The location of the clit, so you have NO EXCUSE to not be able to find it. EVER. The clit is above the vagina. It in nestled under the point where the two labia minora (the little inner lips for those of you who are latin challenged) under the clit hood. It can be tiny, the size of a small pea, or big, the size of a tip of the finger or bigger. It may poke out from under the hood, it may not, but it's always there. Now you know, and I never want to hear anyone ever say they can't find it ever again!

The first time I went down on my first girlfriend, K, I was awful. I was nervous about "being messy" and didn't know what I was doing. I barely touched her, don't even think I spread her lips, and only went at it for like 2 minutes tops. She was freaked out, which made me nervous, and I don't think either of us really enjoyed the experience fully. Once we both learned to let go and relax a little, we both ended up loving it. K even had her first ever orgasm that way. So don't be shy, either of you, and listen up, because here they are, miss pussy lovin' cleofaye's do's and don't of eating out.

- DO warm it up. Don't just dive in the pussy right off the bat. Make the 'em work for it! Lick their thighs, kiss down their stomach, nibble around the crease where their hips meet their torso. Make them squirm! When a girl gets turned on, blood rushes to her pelvis, not just the vulva, but everything around it too, making it extra sensitive. Use this to your advantage, start on the outside and work your way in.

- DO not do that stupid ABC's trick that some guy came up with somewhere and decided it was the be all and end all of oral sex. It's not. I, and most of the females I know, will figure out this is what you are doing and mock you endlessly for it. We learned how to lick good pussy without it, you can figure it out too.

- DON'T go right for the clit. Once you've started playing with the actual pussy, you still need to avoid the clit until you've explored everywhere else. Lick her outer lips, spread her lips with your fingers and lick along the inner lips. Lick her vagina. See how she responds. Then, and only then, start, slowly, and gently, licking the clit.

- DON'T be afraid to use your hands. Pussys are complicated. They have lots of folds and can be hard to keep open with your mouth alone. Feel free to use your fingers to spread her lips, so you can take full advantage of having access to her entire pussy. Also, if yours is the kind of girl who enjoys penetration, feel free to slip a finger or two into her while you're licking her clit. Having your gspot fingered while also having your clit licked is one of the greatest things in life, in this humble girl's opinion.

- DO keep the girl engaged. Don't let her think you're completely focused on her pussy and forgetting about her. Look up and lock eyes (if you can, for those of us with large boobs, this may not be possible). Reach up, stroke her boobs or roll her nipples between your fingers. Run your fingers up her thighs every once in a while. Make sure that while the experience is sexual, that it is also sensual. A little noise on your part wouldn't hurt either. If you're enjoying yourself licking pussy, a little moan is always fun to hear.

- DON'T suck the clit directly. While some girls like this, most absolutely HATE it. It hurts. I've had to completely stop a perfectly good session of oral sex because my clit just hurt too much to continue after one over enthusiastic boy sucked it so hard I thought it would come off. The clit has more nerve endings then the entire penis, packed into a tiny space. It is very easy to hurt it, so be gentle! If you must suck, back up a little and suck the entire area, getting some of the mons pubis, and the labia as well, the spread out such an intense sensation.

- DO be careful of the clit hood. Every girl has a clit hood. For some girls, it will pull back the second they are turned on. For some, their hood never pulls back. Even if the clit hood does not pull back, licking it will still feel good. Don't pull the hood back forcibly unless you've been asked or told to do so. Again, it hurts for a lot of girls.

- DO vary it up. Lick fast, lick slow, side to side and up and down. Try everything. Once you've hit something that's obviously doing the job (because you are paying attention to her body language, breathing, moaning, etc like a good sex partner right?) continue at that pace and with that motion until/ unless they tell you to stop. Like with penis, a steady rhythm is usually what finishes the job.

- DO use the flat of your tongue. Don't point your tongue out like a six year old making fun of me. Think licking ice cream, use your whole tongue. It's a lot easier on your tongue (which means you can last longer, always a plus), it's a softer sensation, and it covers more area.

- DO be careful. My (to use a completely technical term here) doohickey that attaches my tongue to the bottom of my mouth is farther forward then anyone else I know. As a result, it gets rubbed on my bottom teeth when I lick pussy. This is something I've learned to deal with, and it toughens up with time, but keep it in mind. If it really bothers you, feel free to get a mouth guard or something, but really, I've never found it so painful as to be prohibitive.

- DO explore other positions. Most people think of one partner laying on the bed and the other either laying on the bed with them or kneeing on the floor. This is a time honored position, but don't be afraid to switch it up. Try having her stand with one leg up on a chair, a stair or something, and you underneath her. Also, having someone sit on your face is always an option, just make sure your nose is out and you can breath. You can also lick the pussy from behind with your partner on their hands and knees. Mix it up. In positions where you come at the pussy from below, everything sort of conveniently falls into your mouth, which makes things a little easier. It can also keep you from getting a nasty crick in your neck.

- Finally DO NOT BLOW INTO THE VAGINA. One, it doesn't feel good. Two, YOU COULD KILL HER! It's rare, and more likely when a woman is pregnant, but the vagina is so absorbent, the walls could absorb and air bubble, which could travel through the blood stream and kill someone. It's rare, and most people don't blow into the vagina anyway, but this is something I didn't know when I was starting out, so I figure others may not now it either.

As we come to a close, I'll end on a note about pussy juice. I love it, I love the way it smells, the way it tastes, it's part of the experience for me, and frankly, I would have no business eating pussy if that weren't the case. It's normal to end a session damp around the mouth, chin and nose. I think it's hot to see my partner like this, and have no problem kissing them either. Not every girl feels the same way. Until you know their preference, make a quick clean up before kissing your partner. Use the sheets or blanket if you must, but a good sexual partner is usually prepared with a well placed roll of paper towels or tissues in reach.

Finally, depending on the girl, and how sensitive your skin is, it is possible to break out as a reaction to having her juices on your face too long. If that's the case, explain, apologize, assure her it has nothing to do with her or you being disgusted, and go wash your face with soap and water.

So, I've now imparted to you all cleofaye's pussy loving knowledge, and I will close, as I always do by saying when in doubt, just ask, and when you're unsatisfied, give direction.

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