Friday, July 17, 2009

Making out

So.... This is a how to blog after all, so here I am, in all my glory to share what I've learned about making out, which I'm defining as fooling around that involves everything above the waste.

First I'll disclose that I'm am no where near an expert on this part of sex. I'll be much more comfortable as we get to more x rated activities. I never really just made out with people. I've kissed the same number of people I've had sex with. I find kissing to be intimate in what can be an extremely alarming way (yeah, yeah, intimacy issues, I'm aware.... moving on). I never make out with people I'm just having sex with or that I'm not dating. I know that a lot of people see making out as just something fun to do, but for me, it's more serious then sex.

Given that, making out can be a really fun and erotic experience in and of itself. I find this to be doubly true in places where things can't go any further. (I'm not suggesting large amounts of PDA, no one wants to see that, but a quick discreet lick right behind the ear can make the rest of a party all the more interesting.) Kissing and kissing styles are as varied as personalities. Everyone likes something different. Listening to responses and paying close attention to body language is your best friend when you're starting out with someone new. Be sure to pay special attention to and sharp intakes of breath, since indications of pleasure and pain can be vary similar. Some quick dos and don't (or really just some quick dos) for the most basic of skills, kissing...

- DO explore! yes, the neck is always good, but so is a shoulder, fingers, the palm of the hand, the inside of the elbow, the hollow of the clavicle.

- DO be gentle! No one wants to explain hickeys to work the next morning. This is especially true for those of us with very fair skin. If your partner expresses a desire for more intense sucking, do them a favor and put the resulting bruise somewhere out of a standard neckline view

- DO listen to direction! If you're lucky enough to be with someone who will actually tell you what they want, do it.... you've been saved the trouble of having to figure it out yourself.

- DO take their cues! If he opens his mouth, try some light tongue. If she sticks her tongue forcefully in your mouth, respond in turn. People usually do to others what they like done to themselves, they're showing you what they want.

Ok.... now we'll move on to one (or two) of my favorite things... BOOBIES! ok... I'll calm my inner twelve year old boy, but boobs are an endless source of joy for me, both my own, and those of other people. First, I feel that over the bra action has been highly underestimated. If the girl is wearing the right kind of bra (minimal if any padding) playing with her nipple through the material can be a good warm up. If you can see the girl's erect nipples through the fabric, you're good to go. If you can't, just skip this part and go straight for bare skin, you'll just be wasting your efforts in a losing fight against better lifting and shaping. But light touching through fabric, especially since most bras have very smooth or silky fabric is good. I emphasize the word lightly here. It should barely feel like you're touching her at all. Also very light scratching with your fingernails through the fabric is a good feeling.

Now, the bra removal. We all get thrown... I mean, god forbid she have one with like five hooks, be wearing a sports bra or the ultimate in confusion, the front-n-loader bra, but in general most will have two to three hooks in the back. You get points for doing it without looking. I know most people have mastered this, but if anyone still has trouble, with one hand, reach around and put your thumb on one side of the hooks, pointer finger on the other, and pinch the sides together and past each other. This should unhook everything. If it doesn't, laugh it off, kiss the girl, make some self depreciating comment about how suave you are, and try two hands. If you can't get it from there, just have her do it herself, and don't let it bother you. Granted you could always pull the back rub seduction maneuver and avoid this whole ordeal, but that's a story for another entry. Now that we have that out of the way, another list of do's (and actually some don'ts this time.)

- DO pay attention to body language people! If she's pulling back slightly when you're sucking her nipple, YOU'RE SUCKING TOO HARD.

- DON'T attack the nipple right away. Like in most sex, it's all about build up. play with all of her boobs, lick and suck your way around and near the nipple, grazing it very lightly on occasion, but hold off as long as possible before actually going for it.

- DON'T assume because the last girl liked it, this one will too. Approach each girl as a new experience, because she is. Learn what she likes instead of going to standbys that have worked for you in the past.

- DO be careful of body jewelry. As a girl who has had pierced nipples, I say this on behalf of all of us. BE CAREFUL! If there are piercings, and you suck them, it's like pulling on an earring, not a pleasant feeling. Also make sure you don't snag it on anything.

- DO more then suck. Lick, kiss, nibble, and (depending on how the nibbling goes over) bite. I know it's your mammalian instinct to suck, but please, vary things up a bit.

- DO be an equal opportunist. There are two boobs. Two nipples. Play with them both. Yes, everyone has a side that they are just more comfortably positioned on, but don't let one of her boobs feel naked and neglected in the cold air.

So in short listen to your resident boobie lover cleofaye, and give them the attention and the combination of rough and gentle they deserve. And as I will always say, when in doubt just ask, and when you're unsatisfied, give direction.

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