Monday, July 27, 2009

Hand jobs

Ok, now we're going to be talking about penises. Not my favorite subject, but one I'm pretty well versed in. However, today, we're talking about handjobs. Like kissing, this isn't really my forte, but I have done it. I don't touch any penis I wouldn't put in my mouth (or various other orifices), so I tend to skip the handjob phase of things, but that's just me. I have had some fun experiences giving them however.

When I got my first boyfriend,P, I was older then most girls. At 20, I'd seen plenty of porn, but had never handled a real live penis. The idea totally freaked me out. I was uncomfortable with my own body, but even more uncomfortable with the idea of seeing his body. He took off his clothes, and he, like most white boys I've been with, was a grower. I will quote Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner. It kind of looked like a "hairy acorn." I was completely thrown, but I got used to it, and the boy became the boyfriend I had for almost three years. From then on, we always referred to his flaccid penis as "travel sized for [his] convenience."

We're going to pause on that kind of ridiculous note to quickly discuss the ridiculous of penis appearance. I've been with a decent number of people with penises (not all of them men, but we'll get to that in a later date, I promise), and the only thing I've really learned about penis is that is completely unpredictable and varied. Flaccid, they are sort of vulnerable and unassuming. They can be a multitude of colors and sizes, with foreskins or without, and yet, you can never tell from that what it's going to look like in it's full glory. I've been shocked by the sheer amount of change. Hard, they can be angled in almost any direction, with balls that hang or pull tight, with foreskins that pull back on their own, or those that need a little help. Remember, don't be scared, take the reigns, and go for it. (Ok, that little aside....ermmm....aside, we now return to our regularly scheduled sex blog)

We laid in P's bed, with him playing with by nipples, and he got hard pretty quickly. I pulled my hand down to his dick, and the first time I touched it, I realized I was completely out of my league. It wasn't at all what I expected. Most of my boyfriend's skin was rough, but his penis felt soft, smooth, almost velvety. It also felt hard, like I expected, but the fact that skin slid around it, was mind blowing. He had a lot of precum, so I had no problem sliding my hand up and down the shaft. I thought I was doing well when he put his hand around mine, closed his fist to tighten my grip, and sped up my stroking considerably. Like I said, I knew nothing.

From there, I swear, I got better, but it was a learning experince for me. And, as we know, this is the part where I lay out what I've learned and what you need to know, in easy to follow do and don't format.

- First, I've said it before, but I can never say this enough, but DO pay attention to body language! If his breath quickens and he actually drops that stupid boy-having-sex silence enough to actually let an "oh yeah" escape, you're on the right track.
- DO watch and learn. I think watching someone else masturbate is probably the most informative and easiest thing you can do to understand you're sex partner better. Pay attention to what they do, hard, soft, fast, slow, two fingers, or whole fist, and it's easier to replicate what they like.
- If you're a girl, DON'T assume boys like things like girls like things. For girls, hard is good, soft is better, there's a finesse and attention to detail needed, this is not the same for boys. Slow is good, fast is better. Soft is good, hard is better. Lots of sensation is the key. Remember, they have like 1/10th of the nerve endings that the clit does, and over a much larger space.
- DO use lube. Amount varies from guy to guy, but use the precum, it's a quick and easy lube that will make sliding over his skin easier. If there isn't enough, a drop or two of lube across your fingers will work wonders. (Just make sure you're using something high quality that doesn't gum up quickly, but again lubes are an extensive subject for another blog entry)
- DO try different positions, and make yourself comfortable, it may be a while. I personally advise having him lay on his back and sitting cross legged between his legs.
- DO use both hands. Switch things up, use each hand separately, one on top of the other to encase the whole penis at once, or intertwined with the penis in the middle. It's all about possibilities.
- DO use a steady rhythm. Once you find a rhythm that does good things, and you want the boy to cum, just stick to that rhythm, and it will usually do the trick. However if you're up for a little more work and fun, vary things every time his breathing gets rough and you can have a fun night of edging in store.
- For the rhythm challenged among us, DO try music. You know who you are, those boys and girls out there whose dancing looks a bit like a spastic monkey, those without rhythm. To keep yourself on a steady pace, listen to music (make out music is a time honored tradition anyway, embrace it) with a steady beat and follow it. I've also found that when I distract myself by thinking about something else, my hand will naturely find a rhythm and stay on it. I gave one of my best handjobs ever while catching up with a friend on the phone.
- DON'T be scared to take a break. Girls don't have those forearm muscles like guys do (where the hell do you think they came from in the first place?), so if you're getting tired, have him show you how it's done for a little while, that way you can enjoy the show, and get a little recovery time
- DON'T forget there will be clean up. Guys, I'll plead on behalf of everyone who loves dick out there.... be prepared for this! I don't care if you cum in your socks when you masturbate; have paper towels, baby wipes, or preferably a routinely washed cum towel (or hell all three and a warm wet washcloth if you feel so inclined) around to wipe your hands on afterward. Your partner will appreciate it.

So, penis is always interesting, and can be fun. If you're nervous, tell the person you're with, and don't be afraid to take baby steps. After my first attempt, I was too embarrassed to try again for a while, so I had my ex jerk off while I kissed him, played with his nipples, and played with myself while I got more comfortable with penis. After a few times of that, I was ready to jump back on the horse, so to speak, and try again, with much better results.

So, this is cleofaye saying, give penis a chance, and a good old tug, and as always, when in doubt, just ask, and when you're unsatisfied, give direction.

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