Thursday, December 31, 2009

Rope pictures

So yeah, not letting me put the pictures in the last post.... so here is just a smathering of pics I took from the class, some of me, most of my roommate with different ties.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Rope Bondage Classes!!!!

So you all know I took bondage classes at Passional's Sexploratorium with the fantabulous Ms. Klawdya Rothschild. She was fantastic. She was patient, articulate, knew her shit, and had a fun personality that kept the two hour classes interesting. My only real complaint? She's fucking distracting. Look at this girl, she is hot, and frankly, her low cut shirt and tendency to lean over to check everyone's ropes left me slightly smitten.

The first class I took was Bondage 101. I've been tying people up for years, but I've always been a very utilitarian rope person. Them to the bed, or thier arms together, a quick knot and I was done. I had tried years ago to learn harnesses out of Midori's The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage but couldn't understand it at all and just thought I would always be useless at rope. (Nothing against the book, since the ex I bought it for used it all the time and got really good at a bunch of the harnesses, but apparently I can't learn from pictures.)

I took the class mainly so I could talk about it for the blog, I really didn't think I would do that well. I sat down in a coed class of about twelve people (2 couples, the rest singles). We talked a good deal about safety, everything from getting a pair of emt scissors to checking for weakness in limbs. She also made handouts of the information for everyone to take home (a nice touch, I love hand outs, it makes me think back to being a pain in the ass grade schooler). She went over rope structure, materials, and lengths, giving a decent amount of information without taking up too much time. Finally, we got to the good stuff. We learned a couple basic knots, then Klawdya showed us how pretty much all bondage is a combo of those knots. She would demonstrate, tying herself up, and hobbling around the class to check everyone's work and tug on our knots. Her finale was to tie one of my classmates into a full body harness, giving a quick explanation how it was done. I left the class back in love with rope and eager to practice. I had plans of tying up my roommate and was disappointed that he wasn't home, so I practiced a few things on myself.

The next day, I woke up, woke up my roommate, the fabulous Pistol in Bed Thirteen, and told him to get some clothes on, I was tying him up to practice before class. Klawdya taught us that "clothes are the enemy of bondage" so I was running around, tying up his various body parts while he sat there in his underwear. I finished by putting him in a full body harness, which considering I'd only seen it done once and had never tried it before, I thought turned out pretty well.

I ventured back out in a ridiculous storm for the self bondage class. I walked in and the atmosphere was very different. There were only three of us in the class, one woman who had been in the 101 class with me the day before and Kali, the owner of passional. We were encouraged to take our shoes off and sit on the floor which had been covered in a blanket and cushy pillows. We stretched and talked about the sensuality of rope, pulling across different body parts and feeling how different it felt on our arm versus our chest versus our ankle. We then talked again about safety and how, when doing self bondage you can take extra precautions. We then tied our wrists and learned to do it behind our own back. We tied our boobs up in chest harnesses and suspended our ankles from them. (I'm going to take a quick aside here to brag that Klawdya was showing us how to make a strap for the harness to help our boobs hold of the weight of our leg, she looked at me and was like, you don't see to need it, those things are holding strong on their own. Yep, my boobs are a little huge and apparently very resilient.) I spent a lot of time in chest harnesses in my early BDSM days and I had forgotten how good it felt and how much I liked it. I quickly went home, stripped off most of my clothes and was tying myself back up in minutes.

Unfortunately, I had to miss Sunday's suspension class due to SEPTA being hateful, but overall, I really enjoyed the classes and I loved Klawdya. She was nice, fun, and accessible, telling us to email her or tweet her or whatever if we had a question, noting that she has photo shopped pictures to give instructions on how to change things. I loved the classes and I thank her for reminding me how much I love rope. I would love to take something else by her and look forward to going to a suspension class as soon as I can find one. So check out Klawdya's website, and see if rope bondage is something you want to do too. That's all for me so I'll sign off as always by saying, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied give direction!

P.S. I took pictures of myself and the fab roommate tied up, but for some reason blogger is being hateful and not letting me publish them... I'll have them up as soon as I can... everyone wants to see a cute beardy boy in nothing but briefs and rope right? Getting right on that....

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

elust #3


HNT Courtesy of 13Messages

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you're looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you're going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site's sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week's Top Three Posts ♦

Presence - I wish that you would look at me now. I am willing you to look at me now, over her body, rocking with the motion of her mouth. But you do not.

Restraint - “Do you like what you see?” the blonde asks. “Are you excited by what’s before you?” the redhead enquires. He nods.

What Not to Fetishwear - DON'T wear a PVC sleeveless vest if you fall into the rotund category. You will look like a bowling ball. With chubby arms.

e[lust] Editress

Fucking for Art - The proximity of their nakedness and my scrutiny resulted in this beautiful agony of arousal for them both. I asked if they would feel comfortable doing some poses of vaginal penetration for me, and they readily agreed.

♦ Featured Post

The Naked Truth - He didn’t just write a pretty story we could act out, he worked hard to delicately lay us out on the page together, as we are.

See also: Pleasurists #56 and #57 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Tricky Balls
Propaganda Sucks in All Directions
What Not to Fetishwear
Wicked Grounds
Which Reindeer Sex Style Are You? Five Tuesday: 2010 AVN Award Nominees

Kink & Fetish

Come what may..
While I waited
Caning Before the Movies
Savoring Submission
The Ruler
Give In
Flagging brown
The Mummy Returns
Finding Power Through Play
Microfantasy Monday 24

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Wife Unsure About Sex With Others
Thought Provoked
The Naked Truth
December: Month of the Rant
Less is More
That's My Cervix!
Femme Invisibility
Are You Just Kinky or Is It a Lifestyle
Baby Steps and Giant Leaps
Cyber Sex

Erotic Writing

Friends with Benefits
The Tease
Cock. Confession #386
Cal's wisdom
Blinded and Bound
The Little Things...
The Witness
Quiet and Still
Giving and Receiving
Beasts in the Bathroom
Fixation: Touch
The Pussy Eating Challenge
An Oceans Release part 1
MFM: Etiquette
Office Party
Daydreams & Distractions Droit de Cuissage
Tant pis
Toys, toys, toys
Revenge (Pt. 1)
Claiming: Assume the Position

Ask me things!

I'm just popping in before the the big rope bondage class post (with pictures of my sexy room mate tied up in his underwear!) to let you know, that in an attempt to make myself as accessible as possible I've set up a formspring account. You can submit questions anonymously or by logging in through the site, and you can do it right on that convenient little sidebar option. So ask me anything I haven't answered for you yet, and feel free to go outside the realm of sex, or more kinky then I've covered here. If it's popular, I'll post answers here, if not, I'll just use it as a gauge of what people still want to hear about. So go ahead kiddies, Ask me anything!

Sunday, December 20, 2009


So I posted yesterday that I had so much fun at my bondage classes. This is still true, but after taking the classes Friday and Saturday, I was even more excited for the class I had signed up for on Sunday. I have wanted to try suspension since I first saw my first example of Shibari over 5 years ago. The idea of just letting go and letting my body relax in the air. I've always had the desire to feel... I don't know... in the air. I've wanted to budgie jump, sky dive, anything that put me up in the air and allowed me to feel free, even if only for a moment. Repelling off a wall or hanging from my knees and letting my hands go have always felt amazing to me.

So signing up for the suspension class this weekend was a no brainer. I loved the instructor and was excited when I heard her say that multiple people were going to get the opportunity to be suspended.I was nervous when I got up this morning. I rechecked everything, making sure I had my rope prepped and in my bag. I know that Philly's public transit is spotty at best, and we had a snow storm that dumped over a foot on the city. I left an hour before my class and trudged out to the corner to wait. I waited, and waited, and waited. I called the store 45 minutes later to tell them I was going to be late. After an hour and 15 minutes in the cold, my roommate texts me to let me know that septa has suspended service on my bus line. (I had seen another line running so I knew septa was running in general). They had also suspended the next closest south bound bus line. It was now 10 minutes into the class and to get there it would take another hour at least bwtween the buses and walking. Resigned, I walked back to the apartment and called to say I wouldn't be coming after all.

I'm a little heart broken, and annoyed at my wasted 20 bucks. I won't downplay the other classes I went to, I learned a lot, and really did have a whole lot of fun, but I was looking forward to this one most of all. I know I'll get another shot. I'll be looking for another class, either here or in NYC, but I'm mad to have missed my chance.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Lookie What I Can Do!

Hey everyone, I took a couple bondage classes this weekend (I have another one tomorrow.) I'll write everything up for next week with links and picks of my fabulous roommate letting me practice on him, but for now, just check out what I had to put myself back into when I got home from Self Bondage class.

Titty fucking

So in a post about titty fucking, there is one thing that has to be established right off the bat. I have big boobs. They used to be huge boobs, but I've lost some weight and switched birth control and they have shrunken down to a respectable D cup. I've heard titty fucking is possible with small boobs, but I have no idea. I've never been interested in doing it with a strap on, and I have no experience with having small boobs (I was a C cup at 13. Seriously.)

I think titty fucking is, in essence, a selfish act. I'm not saying that's a bad thing or that it's bad to be a selfish lover on occasion (hey, sometimes you've got to look out for your own damn orgasms.) I'm also someone who gets off on making the other person cum, (plus I orgasm really quickly, so I don't require much work.) so I generally enjoy people who are a little selfish in bed. I've heard of girls who can have breast orgasms, but I've never met one, and I'm under the impression it's not particularly common. So without that added benefit, having someone rub their cock in between your boobs doesn't really feel all that great.

I was for a very long time, very opposed to being titty fucked (I'm trying to come up with more terms for this, I'm at a loss.) despite having my roommate call my eighteen year old (and much, much more conservative and sexually repressed) self "One of the few, the proud, the titty fuckable!" I have many holes, many of which are open for penis and will be much more fun for me. But P asked, and I'm up for anything, so I tried it.

I'm still not the hugest fan, but if someone really likes it, I can live with it. There are a couple of things to think about, so here, as usual, is my dos and don'ts list.

DO think about positioning. If you're partner is like 250 pounds, having them sit on your chest might not be the best idea (yeah, learned that the hard way). Also, if you like having more control try having them sit and you leaning over them, it's much easier for those easing into the idea.

DO use lube. Yes the skin on the penis is pretty soft, and likely so is the skin between your boobs, but things will just move much quicker with a little lube.

DO use your hands. Squeezing your tits together for a tighter fit feels better for the guy and frankly, it's just hot to look at.

DON'T forget to make it enjoyable for her. Play with her nipples, or encourage her to play with her pussy while you hold her boobs. Make sure she's enjoying herself and she'll be more likely to want to do it again.

DO use other parts of your body. If you get tired, feel free to use your hands for a little while, also, feel free to lick or suck the head of your partner's cock as it comes up between your boobs.

DO be prepared for the aftermath. If you intend on making your partner cum from this, most likely, there will be cum (you know, unless your partner is using a strap on, or into tantric sex or something like that. If so, send them my way, no cum orgasms sound like fun). If they let it sneak up on them, and considering their positioning, you could get a load in the face, or at the very least a pearl necklace. I've talked before about facials and cum in general, but I want to just reiterate that you need to have clean up materials handy (baby wipes, paper towels, or a CLEAN cum towel) and if you're really uncomfortable with having cum on your face you should let them know beforehand.

So go out there, and try some titty fucking. By the by, I would love to hear from some small boobied girls and their experience with titty fucking. So feel free to comment or email me directly at cleofaye01 at So that's it for me today and I'll sign off as always with, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, ask direction!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Review: Ben Wa Balls by Nasstoys

So J, the poly girl that I occasionally play with, was roped into having a nookie party at her house. I will be reviewing the party itself soon, but for now, I'm reviewing one of the items I bought while there. I've been looking for a Kegel Exerciser for a while, but the ones I have seen in store were either too big for me, too small, or were the kind you were required to lie down and use (and I'm not a lie there and squeeze my pussy kind of girl, I like the fact that I can exercise anywhere).

I was flipping through the catalog when I saw a ben wa ball set billed as a kegel exerciser. I was thrilled and plunked down my 16 (I think?) bucks to get it. I got them about a week later and was thrilled. However, that initial reaction was the only positive I really have about these things.

I know that this is just me, but why do companies like to make sex toys pink to make them unassuming? Does that just make it more obvious that it's a sex toy? But whatever, I can live with a pale pink sex toy if I like it enough. I could have sworn that I read that they were silicone, but pulling them out of the package released a plastic smell that literally reeks of phtalates. They claim to have a "silky smooth luxurious finish" and they did feel nice, almost like cyberskin, but I couldn't find anywhere on the package what it was actually made out of.

I sucked it up, and decided to test them, in the name of research and all that. Before describing putting them in I will say very quickly that I am an idiot, and you'll see why in a sec. I gave them a quick rinse, and decided, in the middle of my kitchen that I would just stick them in. I don't know why I didn't use lube, probably the above statement about my idiocy is to blame. I was generally a little wet, so I didn't think anything of it, but they were hard to get in and it took me two tries.

I was worried they would be loud, since they have internal balls that shift, but once they were in I couldn't hear them at all, neither could my roommate, I checked. These balls, according to the package allows you to "please yourself...any time... any place" however, my understanding was that the balls shifting works your kegel muscles more. I walked around, jumped up and down, even danced around to lady gaga (Don't judge, I fucking love her) but I couldn't feel any movement in my pussy. The didn't feel bad it, but they defiantly didn't feel good either.

However, the worse part for me was taking them out. The string was strung through the middle of both balls and covered in the same material, making it very sturdy, but pulling them out was unpleasant to say the least. The first one came out fine, but the pulling out the second, even though I was wet and I went slowly was very painful. My pussy ached for about an hour afterward.

All in all, this just wasn't the right toy for me. It didn't feel good, but that's probably because it was too big, so it didn't work my kegel muscles as well as something smaller would, and hurt to put in and take out. I also really don't like that I'm pretty sure it's leaching toxic chemicals into my chuff. I wouldn't recommend them to anyone for that reason alone, although I think the structure itself would be a good thing for someone who needed a little more work on their kegels.

I give this specific toy a 1 out of 5 stars, but I would give the same toy in a different material a 3, not for me, but a good toy for someone else.

E lust #2

Twisted Monk as The Bad CopPhoto courtesy of Twisted Monk (photo credit

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in the next edition? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

♦ This Week’s Top Three Posts ♦

The Heart of Darkness - “I swear that man can sense my fear like a hound scenting a rabbit, and just like the hound, his blood rises to it.”

Forever…“Forever is a beautiful idea, a wonderful goal, but it’s not a magic spell.

His First Fuck - “He stood there, obviously nervous, obviously aroused by what he had been witness to seconds earlier.”

e[lust] Editress

I Dare You - “Aided by our clutches of printed papers, me hiding my nipples that could cut glass and him hiding the hard bulge in his dress pants, we scurried back to our cubes where the messages flew back and forth.”

♦ Featured Post

Who am I?“I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life and couldn’t fit it all on one piece of poster board.”

See also: Pleasurists #55 for all your sex toy review needs

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

♦ Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships ♦

First. Confession #380

In Defense of Squirting

Gender, Buck Angel, and Me

G Spot Orgasms: It’s all about the clitoris


They May be Bi, But They’re Still Boys

Why I Sometimes Fake Orgasms

Wonderland: The British in Bed

♦ Kink & Fetish ♦

The Workout (fiction)

I Am Not Clark Kent


Lips Parted


She brought her own toys

Rope Bondage: Hemp vs. Mfp

Phew! Another Hole


My virginity and how I lost it..


Spicing it up: Bondage Materials

♦ Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor ♦

20 Questions with Cyd

This Ain’t No Disney

A Thank You Note

Vegas Virgins

Sex and Happiness

♦ Erotic Writing ♦

1 Full Body Massage / 1 Happy Ending

The Slut Chronicles #7 ~ I Said No

To Do List

the date

And Your Hands and Your Lips and Your Tongue Tricks

Oh Fuuuck

I Get Around

Sometimes, Love Hurts

In The Dark

Making Up

Quickie – A Good Girl

What I Want You To Do To Me

Hitachi Fun

Her Curves


marks she left

Wicked Wednesday: I Love Watching You Watching Me

Birthday Boy

Fucking & Making Love

Thy Mother and Thy Father: A Vodoun Love Spell

What Just Happened?

Happy Birthday Me

What Cums Around

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I read about this holiday wishlist meme on Hey epiphora's site and thought it was a really nice idea. I'm working on granting a few of her wishes, and decided to create a list of my own.

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered…whatever you’re comfortable with) to your LJ or Myspace or Blog. The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
- If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it’s your address or just an email address at which you can be contacted by potential wish-grantors, real or imaginary.
- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your post, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friends list/blogroll/RSS feeds (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list.
- If you see a wish you can grant, and it’s in your heart to do so, make someone’s wish come true. Sometimes someone’s trash is another’s treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don’t want or a gift certificate you won’t use–or even know where you could get someone’s dream purebred Basset Hound for free–do it.

You needn’t spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn’t to put people out, it’s to provide everyone a chance to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not–it’s your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just…wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you’ll have the joy of knowing you made someone’s holiday special.

So here is my wish list for this holiday season.

1. A graphic designer. I need help with my blog. A banner, maybe a background and some business cards. I want to change the look, but don't know quite what I want, so anyone who could help me figure it out would be great.

2. A day, or weekend in NYC. I can get myself up there, but I would love a place to crash for the night and/or a local to take me around and show me some fantastic places in the city

3. Some info on the BDSM community. I want to get more into the scene, but honestly, I don't really know where to start. I have a profile on Fetlife and I'd love some more friends or advice. (any bdsm toys/restraints or anything would of course be welcome as well)

4. I'd love some good dyke-y/genderqueer porn. I have a couple crash pad videos and superfreak, but I'm looking for more.

5. A make up brush set. I got mine from target a few years ago and between my dog chewing the ends and lots of use, they're showing their age and starting to loose bristles

6. A full time fuck buddy. I'm not actually expecting anyone to be able to give me this, but I'm just putting it out in the universe that I'm not asking for a boy/girlfriend, just someone who wants to have sex as much as I do, and who would like to have sex with me. (It's been far too long since I've had sex on the regular)

7. A chance to see Lady Gaga. I love her so much and couldn't get tickets to her show in Camden. Pretty much anywhere, if you could get the tickets and gave me like 2 weeks notice, I could get there.

8. Ads for my blog. I don't advertise here because I only know of the ads through blogger, and I want to be sure my ads are sex positive and things I would actually endorse, so if you have something you think I'd like, I'd love to advertise it here, just let me know.

9. Good vibes for my grad school applications. I'm getting together my application for a Couples and Family Therapy master's program with a concentration in Sex therapy. I'm really nervous about it, and honestly, I'd just love some good vibes coming my way.

10. Any high end vibrator. I've tried generic bullets, but I don't really like them. Everyone raves about things like the Eroscillator, and the Hitachi Magic Wand and I wonder if I'm missing something.

11. A g spot specific toy. I've never had something designed for G spot stimulation, I've always improvised with my normal toys. I'd like to see if they get the job done better.

If you can grant any of my wishes, either comment here or email me at cleofaye01 at

So that's it kiddies. I'm listing below the other wishlists I know about, and if you have one, just let me know in the comments and I'll add yours as well. So if you can, grant a wish (even if it's not mine) and let me know if there is anything we can grant for you! So this is cleofaye as always saying, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction.

Other wishlists:

Hey epiphora


Essin Em

Garnet Joyce


Friday, December 4, 2009

Does this shit happen to other people? Part 3

So it has become a running gag among my friends that I am "the worst lesbian ever." I'm inclined to agree, one since I don't really define as a lesbian, or really anything for that matter, and two because I will fully admit to having waaay too many men in my bed to call myself a self respecting lesbian.

But in general the argument against my "lesbianism" runs as follows (keep in mind that yes, this is all a joke, so yes these are all stereotypes, we're aware):

1. I like penetration over almost any other kind of stimulation

2. I pretty much hate all oral sex

3. I don't talk about feelings or my relationship with my partner

4. I hate cuddling

5. I don't do slow, kissing, loving sex

We're now going to add something else to the list that I generally don't make public knowledge, but hell, it's funny, and if anyone else has heard of it, maybe it's my readers, so here it goes. I'm allergic to chuff. Yep, allergic. Not to my own, that the good lordessa for that, but yes I'm allergic to pussy.

It all started with my first girlfriend K. I had started a new medication not that long into our relationship and a few weeks after starting it, I noticed a small cluster of red bumps near either corner of my mouth. They looked like tiny little pimples but never came to a head. They didn't really itch or hurt, but they annoyed me and I was sure it was from the medication. I went back to my doctor and when he asked me side effects, I pointed to my face.

He leaned in close and said, (and yes, this is a real quote, I shit you not) "It looks like you have the yeastie beasties" yep, that's what he said. He explained my skin was having an allergic reaction to a new kind of yeast, wrote me out a script for a topical cream and sent me on my way. He just stated briefly that he didn't know how I could have gotten it, and honestly, it didn't click at all at the time. It wasn't until a few nights later, face deep in K's chuff that I realized where exactly I had gotten it from.

I continued to use the cream everyday. The bumps cleared up and never came back. I made sure to wash my face after oral sex and it wasn't a big deal. After K, aside from a one night stand, which I walked out of the room to wash my face pretty much as soon as she'd come, I was with trans girls or men, so didn't have to worry about it. It wasn't until I started hooking up with J. It had been years (yes years! so sad, I know) since I had eaten pussy. I had completely forgotten about the "yeastie beasties" We had sex, I ate her out, and I went to sleep. I few days later, sure enough, the red bumps were back with a vengeance.

I actually found the old cream, but it has long since expired. I tried tee tree oil, advice from my hippie roommate, but while it tingled and stung a little, it didn't do anything to clear it up. I now have to face the prospect of going to my new primary and explaining that I get a rash from eating pussy. I keep looking for holistic treatments, but so far, I haven't been successful. For right now I've been washing my face a lot and getting her off other ways while I figure it out. So yeah, I'm allergic to pussy. I argue that may, in fact, make me the worst lesbian in the world. So the secret is out. I now have to remember to explain to girls before hand why I run to the bathroom after eating them out (then remember to actually do it, a shame since I so love cum and sort of enjoy the feeling for a little bit at least) and explain it has nothing to do with them or their beautiful, amazing, wonderful pussies.

So has anyone else ever had this happen or does this kind of shit only happen to me? If you've heard of it, had it, or know any good all natural cures, I'd love to hear them. So that's it for me kiddies, as always, I sign off with, if you don't know, ask, if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Become a fan on facebook!

Look at me being all techie. I made myself a little facebook company page so now, my lovely readers, you can become a fan on facebook. I'm not sure what exactly I'm going to be putting up on it yet, but I'll love some discussion forums or feedback from fans. If you join, drop me a line and tell me you're from the blog (I had like 85 fans before I put a single word on, so apparently no, becoming a fan doesn't actually mean you have ever been to the blog), I'd love to hear from you. I can friend you back, there can be liking of things, and all sorts of facebook funness. So go ahead a do it kiddies fan me, I'll make it worth your while (though I have no idea how as of yet).

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Links Galore 3

Yes, it's that time again when Ms. Cleofaye is a little overwhelmed with life and giving you some links to explore while I take a little bit of a break. First some quick admin updates.

1. I think you probably noticed, but I posted the first addition of e[lust]last week. It's similar to Sugasm, which I did before. I'm actually a volunteer and I help put it together.

2. Due to both grad school applications and my not always stable mental status updates on the page might be a bit spotty for the next few months. I'm still banking ideas on what to write, so if you have any questions, send them my way, I love getting emails from you. I'm going to try and keep it to twice a week, once a week at the absolute least.

So here are some links to play with while I'm gone.

Here are some pussy eating positions. There are a million places to find sex positions, so I thought some oral sex positions would be a good change.... plus, they're 3d, fun!

Here is an article from the british paper the daily mail. 1 in 20 women has NEVER had sex sober. Read the article, realize how fucking depressing that is, then go out there, fuck someone with the lights on stone cold sober, because you are a sexy sexy bitch, all you need to do is believe that.

Here's an article about scary sex toys, and I don't mean scary good like a domme that special gleam in her eye, I mean scary like should be banned. I will be making my own list soon of sex toys you should never buy, but here's a list to get you started.

I've discussed Midori before, she's a kinky sex educator and one of my idols. She wrote this article called "how herpes saved my life." It's interesting, a little scary, and completely brave. It made me think about a lot of things like safe sex and the STD stigma. Read it.

That's it for me for now kiddies. Love you all, and as always, if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Cyber sex

Just a quick aside before we get started. I usually won't count an e[lust] post as one of my posts for the week, but with going home to my parent's house, things were a little crazy this week. I still love you all I assure you. I try to keep to my schedule of twice a week as best as I can and will continue to do so, but just to warn you, things may get slightly erratic around Christmas. Anyway... back to our regularly scheduled program.

My family has always been on the cutting edge in the computer world. I remember having a computer at 6 or 7 with a black and orange screen I played (and sucked at, hey don't judge, I was 7) Dig Dug on. We signed up for AOL when I was in 9. By early junior high, I was already a pro at sex talk, though I had no idea what I was saying half the time.

As I got older, things got easier. Originally you would have to wander into chat rooms and find someone who wanted to IM. Even 13 year old boys with the best of intentions will go down the slippery slope of cyber sex with minimal encouragement. By the time I was in high school, and working well past midnight in the summer, I didn't even have to have the intention. If you had AOL, and were online past about 1 AM, people lost all pretense. I would have random IM windows pop up with strangers I didn't know asking the one word question: cyber?

I loved the anonymity the internet afforded me. I was painfully shy in real life, and terrified of sexuality, but online, I knew exact what I was doing. I crafted persona with skill. I was everything online that I wasn't in real life. I was a tall leggy blond (by the by, why is it always blond? I've been blond, I'm way hotter brunette, but for some reason, blond had that fantasy appeal). My name was Katie, Stacy, Tiffany, anything super feminine, I used every stripper name in the book.

I was sex personified for these guys. In the internet ether, I sucked them off, I rode them, I let them plow me doggy style. I let them tie me up, I let them smack me, I was anything and everything they wanted. Yet somehow, in all of this, I never realized I was supposed to be masturbating on the other side. I would sit and talk, I would describe in detail a fantastic sex scene and be completely disconnected. It took me years to understand that the wetness in my pussy had anything to do with what I was putting down in words. I tried masturbating during a session maybe once or twice in high school. I found the whole experience wholly unfulfilling and never bothered to try again.

With the advent of AIM and getting a roommate in college, my cybering days were pretty much behind me. However, I recently found myself in a shockingly familiar situation twice in a week. Both encounters started through twitter, to be carried out via gchat. As soon as the conversations were moved, I knew what was going to happen, though both men state they had no such intentions. I got myself off during the encounters, as well as getting the other participants off as well (I think. Who knows, maybe they were faking like I used to). I credit this both to my much improved masturbation techinques as well as an actual sexual investment in the encounter, having talked to both men previously in a non sexual way. With my recent ban on dating, I'm finding cyber sex to be a fun, safe, non preganacy producing way to get off. It's more engrossing then porn and I think it's something I'm going to keep up, even though it does feel a little old school.

I was going to give my how to advice, but everyone has to develop tier own style, just like in regular writing. I read a whole lot of porn in my day, and learned from there what I did and didn't like in terms of euphemisms and lovey vs. explicit language (I come down on the side of explicit, yes I know, you're completely shocked, but hey, I'm consistent.) The best advice I can give you is if you want to try it, go for it. Just picture what you like, or even your favorite porn. Feel free to make up yourself and/or your partner to be everything they're not, and just have fun with it. (or, if you're feeling lazy, just ask them what they would do to you and send them a "yeah" and an "oh that's fucking hot" every once in a while while you get off.) Alright kiddies, go out there and have the most crazy, ridiculous, completely implausible sex ever, online, anything is possible. I'm signing off, as always with, if you don't know, ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Monday, November 23, 2009

[e] lust #1

Hey guys, I volunteered to help put together e[lust], a new blog roll for sex bloggers. I submitted as well and was voted one of the top picks! Here's the entire post, check some of them out, I really enjoyed the variety we got. So here it is, the premier addition of e[lust]!


HNT Courtesy of Coy Pink

Welcome to the first edition of e[lust]! Below is your source for inspirations of lust and sexual intelligence from a wide range of sex bloggers. Want to be included in the next edition? Submission period opens for e[lust] # 2 on November 20th – subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for all updates! Check out the submission guidelines and rules of general conduct here.

This week’s top three picks as chosen by fellow e[lust] participants:

At Your Service - His hand pushes on my thigh and I turn away from him, allowing him to inspect my ass. His hands spread my ass cheeks and again I flood with wetness.

Cinderella – “‘I want to fuck you…’ he growled, nipping at her neck and kissing down over her breasts, biting at her nipples through the fabric, making her cry out.

Anal Sex Pt 2: The Ins and Outs of Butt Sex - Butt sex is what you make of it. Enjoy yourselves, be careful, and try everything that looks interesting.

Editor’s Pick:

The Slut Chronicles #5 – The Flight Delay – “When her eye caught his blatantly checking her out, he only grinned wider, with no remorse at all and it was she who blushed furiously.”

A note from the editor: And so it begins…

See also: Pleasurist’s #54 for your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

Just A Little Taste

Older and Better Than Ever

Good Morning

Your Eyes

MFM: The Student. The Teacher.

Get Me Off

The Club & Introductory Note

Don’t Come

The City

Howl at the Moon



The Devil Inside

One of the Greats

Room Service

Kink & Fetish

A Busy Night

Bad Taste?


The Illusion of Beginning: Pt 1

“You hit me…”


Too Many Buttons

Nadia’s Wishing Box

The Mason Jar

So Sexy Boots

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Swing Shift Vol. 18 – Safe Sex and Getting Tested

Libido Resurrection Programme™

Check Up

Oh, Baby, Baby

UnderRated: Fucking the Mind

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Vixen Invites

I’m Quoted in Time Out NY!

Top Five Tuesday – Euro Studs

She Makes Me Feel Like a Whore

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Transgender Day of Rememberance

Yesterday (November 20th) was Transgender Day of Remembrance, to honor all those who have been killed for being gender variant in some way. All day I tried to write something about it. I really wanted to write an insightful, interesting, call to action blog. I wanted to inspire. But the fact is, I don't know what to say. I don't understand it.

I get not understanding gender variance is something I understand. I didn't really get it until I realized that I kind of am it, and started dating trans girls. However, the idea that it has been a motive for murder still baffles me. I read a statistic that I believe may in fact be years old at this point, but still relevant, that 1 in 12 transsexuals are murdered. I've since learned that mainly means trans women, and is especially valid for trans women of color.

1 in 12. Think about that. For the the average cis person, it's one in over a thousand, depending on race, location, and a number of other factors, but never does it ever get close to 1 in 12. This number haunted me through both my relationships with trans women. B worked in a conservative environment with almost all men. Every time I said good bye to her part of me clenched, only to release when she was in my arms again. She was safe with me, in my little bubbled world of queer and trans friendly people. I hated it every time she left my bubble, I would worry. Worry that something would happen, someone would decide that she was a threat, and no one would know to call me.

1 in 12. That's disgusting, it's not fair, it's not right and it should change, now. I wish I could leave you with some amazingly hopeful and inspiring words, but I have none. I only hope that you are as upset by this as I am and maybe when the tears end, change can begin.

1 in 12.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

PSA: Fucking him isn't fucking the patriarchy

Hey guys, life is a little crazy at the moment, so I'm a little strapped for time. I decided to cross post some of my entries from Cuntlove here because 1. I'm really proud of them and 2. I've really enjoyed some of the discussion they've created (Also even my best friend/roommate doesn't usually read my entries from there, so I can't expect you all to either). I'll be posting something original for my later in the week post, but here's my first offering from my cuntlove backlogs.

I am a feminist. I took lots of women and gender studies classes in college, I ran in circles with the “women in leadership and learning” girls, I have defended everything from my right to my body to my right to stay home and raise a family if that’s what I want. I’m a card-carrying member, and wave my feminist flag high. For me, it has always meant my right to choose whatever is best for me, as long as it didn’t hurt anyone else.

Imagine my surprise when I learned from my friends that no, being a feminist came with certain obligations, and certain things it was understood that you just didn’t do. You didn’t want to stay home to care for your kids and house. You didn’t take stereotypically feminine jobs like day care or teaching. You would never be in porn or the sex industry. And finally, you would never, ever, let some man tie you up and hit you for pleasure.

I was a submissive in an S&M relationship for about three years. Even some of my most sex positive friends were horrified and appalled at my behavior. I was kneeling at the feet of a man? I was serving him? I was letting tie me up, hit me, force me to do things against my will? What was wrong with me? Didn’t I know I was supposed to be strong, independent, and completely in charge of my own sexuality?

I would look at them, sigh, and buckle down for the fight. These women always had the best intentions, wanting to save me from myself. They also had never been in and D/s relationship and had no understanding of the BDSM community. Yes I knew all these things I was “supposed” to be. I also had to explain that I was all those things, just not in a way they understood it.

In BDSM there is a well known concept of “topping from the bottom” meaning that the sub of the relationship is really in control. Though safe words, preset limits, and lots of communication, the sub sets the rules and has the right to stop and change a scene whenever they want. The fun of being a sub is knowing that you can lose control and test your limits within these boundaries that you have already set. Loosing control in a very controlled way as it were.

However, even with all of this, the most important point is, what I do in my bedroom has nothing to do with who I am outside those walls. If I submit to a dominant partner, that does not mean I would ever submit, as a woman, to anyone else. It doesn’t mean I would accept substandard treatment or any requirements based on my gender. It’s a single relationship with a single other person (or multiple other people, but you get my point). It does not translate into any over arching belief about women or men.

The flip side is also true. Recently I’ve been enjoying being a dom, to sexual partners that happen to be men. This is something I think is fun and interesting. It has nothing to do with my “rage against the patriarchy” or my desire to put a man in his place. It’s about my desire to put this man in his place. You should never bring your outside feelings into an S&M, as a top or bottom, but tops need to be particularly controlled. There is no bringing in you “Men as oppressors” rage, no “I had a shitty day at work” rage, no “he/she pissed me off last night and now I get to pay it back” rage. None of that. It’s just you and them, you helping them to explore their boundaries, them trusting you to do it safely and within their limits. Anything more or less would be a betrayal of the trust and understanding required for such and exchange.

So yes, I’m sometimes a dom. Yes, I’ve tied up, beaten, held down and forced both men and women. Yes, I’m also sometimes a submissive. Yes, I have been tied up, beaten, held down, forced. Yes I’ve been called a bitch, slut, whore, and cunt. Yes, I’ve catered to my dom’s every need. Yes, I’ve even explored rape fantasies. And yes, I’m still a card-carrying feminist.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Spicing it up: Bondage Materials

I've talked briefly about bondage, mainly it's use in sensation play and mentioning the fact that I have experience with it, bu today we're going to get into the nuts and bolts of bondage. We're talking about materials. Before we talk about what to do with bondage, how to tie someone up, or all the fun safe word limit discussion that we'll have, first we have to know what we are working with.

First of all, you don't have to spend a lot of money or live in a big city to find most bondage materials, and like I've said before, there is always the internet if you're feeling too shy to buy things in person, though if you have a good sex shop in the area, I really do recommend you use it. So there are a number of ways you can bind someone, and different materials are better for some things then others. Here we're going to do a quick breakdown of different materials, the pros and cons of each, and what they're best for going from the most beginner friendly to those you might want a little more experience for.

First I will preface this with if you are planning to do any bondage at all, I don't care how light, have a pair of safety scissors. You can get them at most pharmacy type stores or medical supply stores, pretty much any decent first aid kit should have a pair. They should be heavy duty enough to cut through the thickest, toughest material you're using for play, and they should have the flat bottom so they don't cut the person you're cutting out. If you've talked about it beforehand, the likelihood is that you won't have to use them, but I'll say from experience that sometimes you just need to be out of a set up, NOW. So go out, get a pair, and have them on the bedside table next to the condoms and rope.

I'll also put out there that I don't advocate using handcuffs. I don't care how cute and fuzzy and pink they are, they can be dangerous. If they have actual locks, even more so, but I don't recommend those with button closures either. If your sub starts to panic, you may not be able to reach, still, and unlock their hands quickly enough before they hurt themselves or you. If you do insist on cuffs, invest in a good leather pair.

1. Tights/thigh highs/nylons
Pros - Unassuming, they are completely nonthreatening and you're not going to freak anyone out bringing the out in the bedroom.
- Soft but tighten. If you tie them tightly, they will slacken and feel soft as the sub relaxes, but if they struggle and pull, they tighten again.
- You probably already own a pair
- Cheap
Cons - They can slip, especially if you are using them to tie your sub to something, like the bed.
- Limited length options. They only come in like two different lengths, both pretty short for a lot of more elaborate riggings.
Best For - Ankle or wrist cuffs, short distances, wrist or ankles to bed.
Not Good For - Blindfolds (they're see through and not wide enough), harnesses

2. Scarfs (I like to use the ones they sell for hair, long and thin, but any will work)
Pros - Unassuming and nonthreatening
- You probably already have them around your house
- Cheap
- Can pick from a range of textures/fabrics
Cons - Limited number of lengths available, most pretty short
- Sometimes the stress of binding someone will permanently crumple them, so you may ruin them for anything other then bondage.
Best For - Blindfolds, tying wrists together, tying wrists or ankles to bed
Not Good For - harnesses

3. Bondage tape
Pros - Only sticks to itself, not hair or clothing, won't leave any stickiness behind
- Cheap
- Can use it to make clothing, I've seen it used to make tube tops, skirts, dresses and the like, very hot.
Cons - You can reuse it, but it doesn't work as well the second time, so it can be wasteful
- If you don't use at least twice what you think you'll need, it has a tendency to fall apart with movement.
Best For - Clothing, blindfolds
Not Good For - Cuffs, Harnesses

4. Cuffs
Pros - These things will pretty much last forever as long as you take care of them
- You can get them custom made, or drill holes that are perfect for you
- These things are almost impossible to slip out of.
Cons - Expensive
- If you do customize them, remember that's only for that person, so the cuffs go with them in the divorce
- They all have a specific purpose and for the most part they can't be interchanged
Best For - Cuffs (ankle/wrist, whatever you bought them for)
Not Good For - Pretty much anything else

5. Rope - I could do a whole entry just on rope, and one day I will, but for now, just the basics.
Pros - Huge variety in textures from silky to completely rough
- There's something at every price point
- You can get it in any length you can think of
- You can do almost anything with it (one word - Shibari)
- You can buy it anywhere, you don't have to set foot in a sex store.
Cons - Can be cumbersome to handle in long lengths
- Takes a lot of practice and knowledge to get very good at it
- Most dangerous. There is no give and if you try too much too soon, you could really hurt someone.
Best For - Harnesses, cuffs, tying to the bed
Not Good For - Blindfolds

So those are the basics. I will do a more extensive rope entry at some point soon, but this should give you a good starting point. Have fun with it, and don't feel limited by this list, as long as it's safe, the only thing stopping you is your imagination. That's it for me for tonight, so I'll leave you by saying, as always, if you don't know, just ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Older Couple

I wrote earlier about being propositioned for a threesome via twitter. I said that I would keep you updated if I decided to go for it. I agreed at the time, but she lives in DC, and her boyfriend lived in NYC, so coordinating all of us getting together was difficult. She was going to be in the city this past weekend, and I had volunteered to come up for it about a month ago. However, she and her boyfriend were booked for the weekend, so we agreed we'd figure it out eventually but that it probably wasn't going to be any time in the immediate future. Then early last week, I got a direct message from her saying that the couple that they had been planning on meeting fell through and invited me to come up to meet them on Saturday night.

To be honest, I was a little freaked. I've had threesomes before, and I've met people through the internet to have sex before, but for some reason this felt like it was crossing some sort of different line. I don't have many lines left in life, so when I find them, I'm always a little scared of how I'm going to react if I cross them. I took a day to think, talked to a couple of my non judgemental friends, and made up my mind. In terms of safety, it was much less risky then a lot of my previous exploits. I had this woman's twitter handle, and had interacted with her for months online. She was also pretty well incorporated into my twitter world, having interacted with a number of my friends as well. I wasn't worried. I told them I'd take the train and meet them in penn station.

I was really nervous Saturday morning. I started grooming hours before I needed to. I showered, shaved, powdered, put on make up, and sat there in my towel, having tons of nervous energy and no idea what to do with myself to get rid of it. I tried on dozens of shirts before finding one that showed off my cleavage enough for my satisfaction. I also put on my sexiest heels, then got in my car on the way there. I took the train up, and met them outside of penn station. They were older then I had thought talking to her online, but they were both very attractive.

They took me out to dinner and drinks, paying for everything. I think it was one of the first times in my life I was taken out all night without it being some sort of special occasion. They were fantastic. M, the woman and D, the man were as open sexually as I am, something I rarely find. They were smart, funny, articulate and interesting. They were everything I wish I could have, but have yet to find, in dates my own age. D is Italian, as in off the boat, as in sexy as hell accent and open European sexual mores. M seemed as much like me sexually as any other woman I've ever met. On our way out of the bar, M asked what we were going from there. I said I would leave it up to them, since I'm always worried that people aren't as into me as I am into them.

She asked if I wanted to come back to the apartment, I told them I did, so we went to D's apartment (which, just fyi, was in a gorgeous building in a place I can only hope to be able to afford someday). It was about midnight and me and M were commiserating about the fact that we were a little sad because we were both more then a little tired. We started watching tv when M told us she was feeling really tired and wasn't up to playing, but she was fine with D and I playing without her. We contiuned watching tv when D, in the most polite way I'd ever encountered, he moved towards me and asked if it was ok, while I was watching tv, for him to "play" with me. He even said I could keep watching tv if I wanted. Between that and the accent, it was the most charming request for sex I'd ever had.

I agreed and he started playing with my boobs over my clothes. I stripped off my shirt and bra and both M and D started stroking my boobs and playing with my nipples. D pulled off my pants and underwear (something I was a little disappointed to find was the fact that even boys old enough to be my father don't stop to admire my underwear, regardless of the fact that I carefully chose some of my cutest undies.) He started going down on me, and while it was hot and a fun experience, I wasn't that excited. I'm not a big fan of oral and I figured it was going to be just another incident of a guy going down on me forever, thinking I should be in heaven when really, I'm just bored and thinking about when I can kick them out.

However, D started fingering me. The man knew what he was doing, and picked up on my reactions enough to realize that he'd figured out what I wanted. He fingered fucked me for what seemed like forever, I came almost the entire time, moaning, cursing and squirming on the couch between the two of them. When I started to come down from the last of my orgasms, I came to realizing that I was laying there completely naked between two fully clothed people who were stroking me on either side. I expected D to start taking off his clothing, start asking for reciprocation, but he just asked if I'd like to take a shower and started discussing sleeping arrangements. It wasn't until we were on the way back to the train station to get me on the last train back to Jersey that I realized that I had just had my first completely selfish sexual experience. I'm such a top normally that I insist on never going first, since I get so turned on getting others off. I've had many sexual encounters that involved me getting someone off and sending them home. I'd never been on the other side. If I had known that I wasn't going to reciprocate, I probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy myself the way I did.

I don't think I stopped smiling the entire way home, even though I could barely keep awake. I've been in a good sex/life experience haze for days. I would love to get a chance to show what I can do, get them both off, have sex with both of them. I can only hope they enjoyed themselves as much as I did, and that they would like to see me again. Either way, I've realized that swinging may be the solution to my constant want for sex and my extreme dislike of dating. I look forward to more experiences like it.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Spicing it up: Foot Worship

Today I want to discuss a topic that I find to be a lot of fun, but can be really polarizing. Some people love feet. Some people are completely disgusted by feet. I am fine with both camps and have had sexual partners on both sides of the extreme. I have no dependency on foot worship as a sexual practice, but it can be something fun to add to the mix if both partners are into it.

Ever since I was a child, I never liked people touching my feet. I never knew why, but it was "a thing" with me. Something I couldn't articulate, but was very firm about. It became a long running gag with my friends and family to try to touch my feet and play with my toes. I refused to get pedicures or foot rubs, even if I had been on my feet for hours and they were killing me. I never understood why it made me so uncomfortable. I had never been one of those girls who had "pretty feet." I didn't have awful feet, they had high arches and were nice enough to look at, but I never had painted toenails and had rough feet, the result of a life spent barefoot as often as possible.

I first time I had any experience with foot play was when I was a sub with P. I was tied with my hands together above my head, on my stomach. P came up behind me, grabbed my foot, and started kissing the bottoms of my feet, something he had always told me he wanted to do, but that I had never allowed him to do in general. but I had never allowed him to do. I was shocked at how sensitive my foot was. I had never expected to feel anything erotic in my feet, since they were notoriously rough. I loved the way it felt, but I was still uncomfortable with the idea of him playing with my feet in general, P lost interest, and my playing with my feet sort of fell by the wayside.

After P and I broke up, I had a string of girlfriends, all vanilla and distinctly uninterested in really anything kinky. I also, in that time got a rather large tattoo across the top of my left foot, something that is apparently well loved by foot enthusiasts, though I had no idea of that at the time. Then I met A, the kinkiest partner I had ever been with, a complete sub, who confessed very early that he wanted nothing more then for me to force him to worship my feet. He begged me for pictures of them before we met and when we did get together he rubbed, sucked, and licked them with practiced skill. He however, was skeeved by my habit of going barefoot, and rarely touched my feet unless I was fresh out of the shower. Not long after we broke up, I developed the habit of constantly wearing socks and pampering my feet, something I've decided is worth the effort to keep them foot worship ready.

After A, I found M though an ad on craigslist that smacked of inexperience and a need for someone like myself. I offered him my feet to play with, and he offered me 100 dollars for the privilege. I ended up meeting him but not taking the money. When I did met up with him, he rubbed, licked, and kissed my feet in a way that said he was both very turned on and that it wasn't something he was allowed to do often. I then allowed him to come all over them. Being with him showed me how serious foot worship can be for some people.

Now, with all this varied experiences, I have, of course picked up a few pointers here and there, and here they are, in bullet form, cause, you know, everything in life should be in bullet form.

- DO figure out what the foot kink is about. For some people, it's humiliation, for some, it's the look and feel of feet, for others, it's the smell. Talk about what specifically turns them on so you can tailor the experience to their turn ons.

- DO pamper yourself first. Invest in a pumice stone, some good lotion, and some good thick socks to lock in the moisture. If you're into that kind of thing, get a pedicure. Yes you're feet will be sensitive without thinge pamper, but they will be more sensitive after pampering.

- DON'T assume the session has to be all about feet. If you or you're partner (or both of you for that matter) are interested in feet but don't want to focus completely on them, feel free to incorporate them into a normal sex session. Having the girl on her back during sex with her legs in the air is perfect positioning to lick and suck her toes while you're having sex.

- DON'T be afraid to mix it up, try a bunch of different things if you're not sure what your partner likes, you can always custom tailor the experience based on their reactions.

Things to try
- Feeding off feet. Either something you can pick up with your toes (grapes, strawberries and the like) or something that can be licked/sucked off (like whipped cream or frosting) (Just a quick side note, I only like sweet foods with sex, but if you’re really digging the idea of eating olives or something off your partner’s feet, go for it)
- A foot massage with lube, lotion, or massage oil, not only does it lube things up for further play, it feels amazing, especially after a long or particularly stressful day at work
- A foot job. Yes, it's just what it sounds like. Use that lube, lotion or oil, lay on your back, (make sure he's in a position where you don't have to hold your legs up high, you want to minimize the amount of effort, since they are way more strenuous then you'd think) and use the arches of your feet together to rub up and down your partner's cock. Use your toes to play with their balls or the head of their cock. Just be warned, it's way harder then you think it's going to be, and it's more then likely that you'll run out of steam before they come, but as with everything, you'll build up stamina and get used to it with practice. (I don't mean to be heteronormative here, but I've never been exposed to women who wanted feet in their chuffs. If you're out there ladies, I'd love to hear from you and get your input on foot play, but as of right now, I'm of the opinion that it seems to be predominately male.)

- Finally, DO let them come on your feet. For a lot of foot enthusiasts, this is just as good as a face shot, the clean up is a lot easier, and there is no risk of it getting in your eye.

That's it for tonight kiddies. For all you foot players out there, speak up, tell your partners, try it out! This is cleofaye signing off with if you don't know ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

PSA: Female ejaculation: Learning to love the squirt

I'm going to tell you guys that I'm not the only to have written about this subject. The lovely Olga at Cuntlove has done an extensive 8 part series on female ejaculation over at her site (and mine, in case you forget, I blog there every wed with posts about feminism, kinky sex, and how those things relate to each other. We've had some pretty interesting conversations and I'm really proud of my work there, so check it out if you haven't already, I'll be posting about the joys of topping tomorrow.)

However, I just wanted to put some things straight and have a quick discussion of my experiences with female ejaculation as well as some tips if you wanted to try it for yourself. I didn't know female ejaculation existed growing up or into my college years. Apparently the scrambled porn on the top channels of my parent's cable hadn't quite shown me the full breadth of female sexuality (shocking, I know). I was in bed with my first boyfriend and he was finger fucking me. It was one of the first times I had ever had anything in my butt. It felt amazing, and the experience still ranks and some of the best sex I've ever had, many partners and more then 5 years later. All of the sudden, I came incredibly hard and felt something dripping off my pussy (I was doggy style at the time). I freaked a bit and told P I was done.

While P went to the bathroom to clean up, I freaked. I pulled the blankets off the bed and discovered the huge wet spot where I had been. It was clear, but I've always been one to drink tons of water, so that didn't necessarily mean it wasn't pee. I smelled it, and couldn't smell anything, but again, I didn't know if this just meant I had been very well hydrated or it was something else entirely. I considered putting my clothes on and leaving before P got back from the bathroom. I was freaked out and ashamed that I had possibly peed the bed. P came back to find me in tears, pulling the sheets off his bed. I told him in a shaky voice that I was so sorry and that I didn't know what had happened. He looked at me, looked at the bed, smelled the spot, pulled me into his arms and explained what female ejaculation was. He even popped in a porn with squirting in it to show me I wasn't alone. He told me that it was hot, that he wasn't upset, and that even if I had peed the bed, knowing that he had made me come hard enough to lose that kind of control would never upset him.

I left his house shaken, but considerably calmer and started my own research. There isn't a lot of information out there. I even used my college's academic resources to look up scholarly articles and frankly, found way more crap on random websites that had no credibility and all anecdotal evidence. I read a few articles and found out things like, just like boys can't really pee when they are close to orgasm, because the the channel for urine is being overtaken by the channel for semen, women usually can't pee when they are very turned on and close to orgasm. Also, while it can look like pee, ejaculate comes from the skeen's gland and, just like vaginal fluid changes in smell, consistency, and taste depending on where the girl is in her menstrual cycle. Since then, I've seen my own, and a few other girl's squirt range from clear and completely liquid to thick, white and opaque, looking like male cum.

There is still little scientific research on female ejaculation, and there is still a raging debate on if the phenomenon even exists. As someone who has, since that first terrifying experience, been doing it routinely for the past 5 years, I'll putting myself firmly on the yes, it does exist side of the debate. If you've thought about it, and want to try it here are a few things I've discovered from my personal experience, though keep in mind that almost everything I tell you has at least a few people who will swear the opposite is true. However, in my g otravels I've thought about both my experience and those I've talked to about it (and yes, I talk to almost everyone I meet about sex) and these are the facts that we've come up with.

1. I've found the squirting is usually related to intensity of orgasm. While an intense orgasm doesn't automatically mean that an ejaculation will happen, it's much more likely with an intense orgasm then a mild one.

2. Most woman need some kind of penetration, usually including g spot stimulation to be able to squirt. I have yet to meet anyone who has been able to squirt from strictly clitoral stimulation.

3. The less hydrated you are, the thicker the consistency of the ejaculate.

4. Stimulation of the g spot usually results in the feeling of having to pee at first, freaking a lot of woman out and causing them to stop the stimulation before that sensation passes (which it will) and intense, orgasmic sensations replace them.

5. Many woman feel the sensation of a build up of pressure similar to a full bladder before they ejaculate. Again, this sensation can cause many woman to stop short of orgasm, but just go with it and you may end up ejaculating.

6. Finally, many woman are freaked out the first time it happens or are scared of their partner's reaction, but I'm hear to assure you as both someone who has done it and been with girl's who could, I've never found it anything but hot and the most negative reaction I ever received was indifference.

So I encourage you to try it, at home by yourself at first if that makes you more comfortable, if it has been something you're interested in. There are some good resources out there, so do a little research of your own, and go for it. So this is cleofaye saying, spray the walls kiddies and, as always, if you're unsure, just ask, and if you're unsatisfied, give direction.